Full text of Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin Netanjayu's speech to be delivered June 14th 2009:My fellow citizens, I stand before you today at this historic moment to explain some of the contradictions in our country that Israel-haters use to fuel their anti-Semitism. First, how can we occupy a people in the West Bank which we claim as part of Israel and yet at the same time, make some who reside there non-citizens, who cannot vote or in any way be a part of the country that occupies them? The answer is simple. If these Arabs were part of Israel, then the Jews would become a minority in our own country. That, we cannot allow. The Arabs have plenty of land in Jordan, so these so-called "Palestinians" should go there, or they can live on comfortable reservations we create for them within Judea and Samaria, but they should know that more settlers can move in around them at any time, with special roads and walls, and mainly on hills looking down on them from above. Why? Because!
Basically, my fellow citizens, settlement is a way of saying "You ain't welcome here" to these sand-niggers. I hope that explains that. I mean just look at the map of the settlements we have built. Kind of sealing off all the borders to neighbouring countries, taking all the water, if you know what I mean. Have you got the message yet? Non-Jews have been given the chance to live between roadblocks, check-points and walls if they really want to. What is wrong with that? God knows we are right.
Now, these people, the "Palestinians" - they don't want to become citizens of the country that occupies them; they want their own state on their own land. But that's just crazy. Just because everyone else in the world lives in a country that they are citizens of, why should they? Why can't the world have stateless people, anyway? Political correctness has gone mad! It is not so bad, you just have to learn to get used to it, the way that black slaves in the US knew what they had to do to make the beatings stop - there are always rules. We kind of experienced that type of humiliation once before, but now we have a homeland and we have learnt our... err...forget what I just said...
As for the settlers. You've heard rumors that we used innocent Jews from all over the world as part of this grand social experiement. Sending Russian and American Jews in particular to live in the West Bank; pumping them up with notions of a grand return and hoping that the whole "God wanted this" thing would mask the fact that we were basically stealing someone else's land and really just using innocent people in the process. Now they have homes there, and families; how can you possibly think of moving them? Well the answer is this, once and for all - After 1967, that land became ours. And if you own it, you do what you want with it, that is all that matters. Does it make me sad so see these people becoming crazed loons spraying anti-Arab graffiti on walls and burning Arab fields? No. It makes me proud not ashamed.
Wouldn't you treat people like that if you didn't want them in your house? And then all this terrorism these Arabs do, that just really makes you hate these people.
So, ladies and gentleman. That is my grand vision for peace. The world hates us, so we shouldn't care. Our case is unique, so no global rules apply. Their terrorism versus the sins of our settlement? We win that argument. Their crappy, petty Arab dictatorhips versus our democracy? We win that one too. Thank God for our neighbors - it makes us look a lot less bad! So what we need is...mmm...where am I going with this? Excuse me. Iran's nuclear ambitions are what we should all focus on. Nothing else!! Let's hope they don't have a revolution and start sounding more normal. Suddenly everyone would be accusing me of being one of the biggest loons in the Middle East.
Now, we all know that the best decisions are made during psychotic fear. Look at America in 2001-2003; that was clarity of thought! The black and white of good and evil. Fellow citizens, we need to remain afraid, not give in to this liberal rationalism! "Boo!" see? When a terrorist bomb can go off anywhere, anytime, that makes you see things a little more clearly, doesn't it? So, in that spirit, we must, repeat must, ignore the fact that many of our own Jewish citizens support two states and peace - this exposes us to dangerous internal divisions. We must reject those Jew traitors among us who whine on about the humanity of the "Palestinians." It is us Jews, us victims, all united and all the same, versus them, the sand niggers. Now, let us all rise in common purpose: Grab a spade, and a brick, and a gun - more settlements! God bless our right-wing vision and fuck the rest!
