Speaking of Words...

Today after reading this wonderful post  (http://ronjoewhite.blogspot.com/2010/09/laundry-lesson.html#more)  I thought of gossip. Then I thought of Seneca's quote, "other's faults are before us, but our own are behind our backs." I also started thinking about how our words and actions can tell others so much about us. 

Even a simple conversation can tell us if a person is filled with positivity and gratitude or if they are filled with hostility and resentment. We can interview two different people who have experienced the same things in life, and yet, their reactions to those experiences and the words they would use to describe their life would be so different!

Some people refer to their spouse as the "ball and chain," while others use endearing terms. One mother might complain that trips to the grocery store are too difficult when she "has to" take her children with her. While another mother might say, "the trip to the store takes a little longer than it used to, but I am so lucky to have my kids!" 

In words we hear... love, compassion, anger, happiness, gratitude, cynicism...  

Once during a Home Depot visit as my husband and I walked through the aisles we kept passing a couple who seemed to bicker throughout the entire store. After passing them, several times we realized that the man never said a single word. The wife kept making comments about how slow or incompetent he was and how she would have had a better time if she had come alone. The man just continued walking behind her, with his head down, quietly seething as he followed her.

I thought about it for a moment. I thought if she talks to her husband like this in public, could you imagine how she speaks to him behind closed doors. I also wondered why he continued to follow her around and let her treat him so poorly. Even... what happened in her life to make her think it was okay to talk to someone in that manner? I felt saddened by it. I especially felt sorry for the man’s spirit.

Words are so powerful. With our words, we have the opportunity to build someone up or tear them down.  For some, encouragement and praise is a way of life, for others it is not.  

Today my request is that we all try to be intentional about our words! We can choose to use kinder words for the day, send a text to someone reminding them why they are so great or leave a little note on the kids’ and spouse’s pillows.

"It's the hundredth day of school? Well, I can think of 100 things that I love about you little girl!" 

How will your words “build someone up” today?

Are you a Listener?

My Mom & My Listener

I thought I would share a quote that I read last night.

“Can’t you tell when you are with someone who is listening? She hears you, really hears you. He hears the sadness in your tone or catches your joy. Be a listener, to music, to life, to others, to God. Life is noisy, but there is music in every heartbeat.” ~Sheila Walsh

It made me think about how I have always tried to be an intentional listener. I watch people and their habits. I listen to their words. I listen to their tone. I watch their body language. I pay attention to moments. I pay attention to details. You can learn a lot about a people that way. You can figure out who is smiling on the outside, but hurt on the inside. You can find out who genuinely cares and who has ulterior motives. You can find out who is extremely happy with their life and who is struggling. You can see which couples are really good partners and which ones are barely hanging on. When we listen we can help each other.

I remember when I was an intern in a 3rd grade class. I kept seeing a little girl take her shoes off when she was sitting at her desk and quietly slip them back on every time she had to get up. I found out that her shoes were too tight. Her family did not have much money for clothes and shoes and so each day she wore those tight little worn out tennis shoes to school without a single complaint. After discussing it with my mentor, we were able to utilize a program at the school and buy her several new outfits and a new pair of shoes. She was so proud wearing her new clothes and shoes to school that first day. It felt good to know that paying attention to the quiet details resulted in me helping her.

As a parent, I try to really listen to our kids. Especially, because we are a blended family and the kids are pulled in so many different directions. I listen not only to what they say, but what they do not say. After a few months into our marriage, my husband would joke and say that our son was my favorite. Of course, it was untrue. However, I was purposely giving him extra attention. He was the only boy, a middle child, who was always stepping back while the three girls dominated the conversations and took the spotlight. My husband began to pay attention to this too and we have noticed a huge change. Another time, my stepdaughter Trin, once asked me, “Do you like doing Jocelyn’s hair better or my hair better?” I realized that she needed some reassurance. She needed to know that when she was in my household, away from her mom, she would get just as much time, attention and love as my biological daughter.

The quote also made me think of whom the listeners of my life are. I have many family members that I love dearly and that are there for me when I need them, but today I wanted to thank my true listeners.
Being a listener is a gift that we give to others and ourselves! I would love to hear your stories and feel free to take a moment to thank the listeners of your life!

♥ Nichole