Oh Internet, You Think You Know Us Or Something?

Who needs to come up with their own clever tweets when the website 'That Can Be My Next Tweet' will do all the heavy lifting for you. The tweet you see above was the result I got when I put TheWizWit's twitter handle in. The site just scans every tweet you've ever posted and tries to make a coherent sentence out of random words and phrases you've used in the past. A lot of the time it makes absolutely no sense. But I was bored and kept hitting 'get your next tweet' about 180 times. Hit the jump to see some of the better randomness this site spit out for TheWizWit.

Cliff Lee. Boom.

Leonard Weaver Still Can't Lift His Foot

Eagles Central - Pro Bowl fullback Leonard Weaver suffered a severe ACL tear on his first carry of the season back in September.The injury is so severe that Weaver’s chances of playing professional football again are “remote”, says a source. Weaver didn’t just tear his ACL. He tore his PCL and suffered serious nerve damage as well. He recently underwent his third major operation in the last week, in an attempt to help regain movement to his left foot. Weaver has not been able to lift his foot since the inury over four months ago.

Damn. This news just made me legitimately sad. You may recall that Leonard Weaver is my favorite person in the world. Or at least the personality he portrays on Twitter is my favorite person. He's just so damn positive. And as someone who can only communicate with the outside world through sarcasm and cynicism, I am in awe of his genuine niceness. I mean, damn, his knee went the other way and probably ended his career, and motherfucker is still upbeat and friendly TO EVERYONE. Just throwin around retweets like it's nothing.

Get well, LW.

4AM is Never Too Early to Make Fun of the NY Giants

The season might be over, but I was delighted to see Shady McCoy still talking shit. Even as he's partying his ass off into the wee hours of the morning, he took time out to take a little dig at the Giants and I think that’s pretty friggin cool. It makes him feel more like a real person rather than just some apathetic, high maintenance athlete. Maybe diva-ness doesn't kick in til year 3 of your NFL career. Anywho, glad to see Shady is enjoying himself.

Jose Canseco is Still Crazy, Likely Intoxicated

Dude lives in an alternate reality. Only in Jose Canseco's mind will he challenge you to a softball hitting contest, call out YouTube for no reason, then go back to his laboratory to concoct magical potions.

Seems like everything he's ever said has turned out true though. So until proven otherwise I guess I'm forced to believe he can hit softballs to the moon and slow down the human aging process.

Twitter Role Models: Drunk Marreese Speights Edition

Mr. Speights would like his fans to know that he got laid last night.  Personally, I've never been drunk to the point of "ass fuck", but I guess it depends on who you're with. 

Ladies, if you can't bang Marreese Speights for more than 30 minutes, don't get drunk "ass fuck" with him, please.

*As you might've guessed, this tweet has since been deleted. 

UPDATE! - the tweet is actually just some lyrics from the song Takin It There by Young Jeezy.  We apologize.  TheWizWit is disappointed as both fans of Jeezy and as fans of athletes using Twitter to describe sexual encounters.  Carry on.