BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yea, so J-Werth got booed tonight. No big surprise there I guess. He also went 2 for 3 with a ding dong off Heavy B (who is certainly off to quite the start this year, I must add). Either way, the video above is a much better way to remember him than his play tonight. Tonight was like the first time you see your ex after she cheats on you. You're really pissed off at first but then you decide to watch that video you have of her from that time you did her doggie in her parents bedroom. Then you post it on the internets.

F'in Jayson Werth.

Would You Sleep With Doctor Kong?

Looking to get laid AND a he's doctor? Well ladies, you better get in line next to all the douchebags asking for worthless autographs! This one is FAB-U-LOUSSS! Clearly I'm joking - NO ONE is sleeping with him. I just want to rip my ears off and shove them down his throat to end that God forsaken laugh once and for all. It sounds like the cackling of a hyena. Assuming that hyena was gay. If he somehow was lucky enough to meet a deaf girl, he'd still be shot down due to the fact he's awkward as fuck. I see he's going with the arms-shakily-crossed coolness vibe at the bar. Hope that works out for you buddy. I don't care how many barrels he's made his pixilated Italian friend skip over. This guy stinks.

h/t Kotaku

Meanwhile, In Russia...

Can you imagine the boom in business that parking decks/lots/meters would have if this happened here? You could charge like $50 an hour and people would have to pay it. I mean really, who can afford to have their car thrown out?

The parking is $50. That's too much, is it? Oh, what’s that you say? You’re going to take a chance and park on the street? That’s fine, but if the crain-o-matic-car-destroyer comes by you’re fucked.

Is This A Risk We're Willing To Take?

[Huffington Post] - "[Dumb and Dumber] has run a bunch of times on TV in the states, and kids will come up and they'll be able to quote lines from that - lines that I've long forgotten," Bobby Farrelly said (via Moviehole). "If we could get those two guys back together, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels that might be a worthwhile sequel - and that ball is in motion. We're starting to think about what those two dimwits would be doing twenty-years later in life, and hopefully we'll be able to come up with something worthy of a sequel."

I know what your thinking, Jim Carrey isn't really funny anymore and Jeff Daniels is dead. Ok, maybe he's not dead but he's hasn't exactly been pumping out gems recently (see, RV and Space Chimps as exhibits A and B). Truth be told, I'm not sure how I feel about this. The potential suck-o-meter is certainly flashing with this one, but don't the Farrelly brothers deserve a little benefit of the doubt? Yes, they made The Ringer but we can all make mistakes, right? At the very least we'll get some good nostalgia out of this, and maybe - just maybe - a good movie. God knows we need something to get the stank out of mouths from Dumb and Dumberer.

How Can You Not Love The Ego Of Charlie Sheen?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Many people believe Charlie Sheen is unraveling, while others would be quick to add he's a coked out loon spiraling towards a trainwreck-like finale. But you know what? I love the guy for it. Who takes the time to quote Allen Iverson during an interview while he's in the middle of waging war on CBS? Friggin Topper Harley does. He has a bigger than life ego and a confidence many people wish they could possess without taking on a drug habit. The guy doesn't give a shit about what anyone says or thinks - and that, friends, is to be commended.

Mathletes Finally Win One

Caltech hadn't won a conference game since January 23, 1985. 1. 9. 8. 5. Holy fuck shit. Think about that for a second. The last time this team, of brilliant minds but absolutely terrible basketball players, won a conference game LeBron James wasn't even one-month old. WrestleMania didn't exist yet. Nintendo hadn't launched the NES in the US, Microsoft hadn't launched Windows. Ebony Magazine thought Michael Jackson would eventually look like this. Poor Ferris Bueller hadn't had his day off yet. Seriously.

So, congrats Caltech. Blowjobs for everyone.

Team they lost to? They have to give the blowjobs.

[h/t turd ferguson blog]

Predator: The Musical Looks Fantastic

Yep, that settles it. I would totally go and see a Broadway musical of The Predator. The whole thing was tremendous. I don't think the guys who put this together could've crafted a better masterpiece. If you're a guy, it is engrained in your DNA to agree with me on this. You know the second the singing Arnold voice hit your earpiece, you smiled like a dopey fool.

As an added bonus, hit the jump to see an outtake from Predator 2. The sequel kind of sucked, but I secretly watch it everytime it's on TBS. In many ways, I wish this was the actual ending of the film. Make sure you stick around to the end... even Danny Glover joins in on the fun.






[h/t Jon and Al Kaplan via Where's Weems]

Jeff Van Gundy Doesn't Think Rondo Is Very Funny

As much as I hate the Celtics, and Rajon Rondo, I have to admit this was a pretty smart move by #9. Watching the game earlier, it became increasingly apparent that the Celtics have a tremendous mental edge over the Heat. Rondo and Kevin Garnett, while punks, are so constantly intense that it wears on teams. It was obvious that LeBron, Wade and Bosh got frustrated in the second half, and it's things like Rondo's huddle snooping above (and Garnett shoulder to Mike Miller) that help contribute to that frustration. So, while I can't exactly say that Rondo's tactic was good sportsmanship, it sure seemed to get the job done.

Of course, if he ever does it again, I hope LeBron punches him is his gay little face.

Michael Young, Heartbreaker

I have to say, I had a similar reaction when the Phillies traded Bobby Abreu. /sarcasm

[Video via Big League Stew]

Ugly Chick Dropkicks the Hell Out of Two Skinny, Less-Ugly Chicks

"Dropkick" may not be the correct term here, more of a front kick or Big Boot. I fucking love the Big Boot. One of my all-time favorite wrestling moves. Throw some dude against the ropes and he just comes running full speed back at you right into your heel. Why doesn't he just stop running? Who knows. What I do know, is that this video has proven that the practical use of this front kick/big boot maneuver in a real-life fight environment (outside of a club) is useful.

So watch out, club-going-tough-guys-who-wanna-start-shit-outside-the-club. There's a 6'6" blogger who will front kick your shit into a two-day hospital visit you can't afford.

Also, what is it with girl fights that stop them from being able to jump someone? There's THREE OF YOU. This ain't Enter the Dragon. You don't have to wait for the ugly broad to beat up your friend before you attack. If all of you just punch at the same time, it's curtains. Jeez.



h/t Unathletic

Wanna Hear Shawn Bradley and Chad Lewis Perform As Backup Singers?

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Add musical talent to Shawn Bradley’s disappointing life resume. I don't really have too much to add about Chad Lewis… I was too busy being distracted by Bradley's awkwardness. I almost wish they crammed as many former Philly BYU products as they could in the video. Ty Detmer on the sax, Vai Sikahema playing the jug, and Reno Mahe could work the triangle. Now THAT, my friends, is a band.

Oh and Jimmer Fredette is the truth. My schedule these days doesn't permit much NCAA basketball as I’d like before March. Having said that, I don't know if Jimmer's game is going to translate to the next level, or if he's more in the mold of Adam Morrison’s crustache. What I do know, is that Kevin Durant said he's the best pure scorer ever. The guy is hella fun to watch and has a big-shot swagger I love. Scorers like Jimmer don't come around too often, so us white guys can't help but man-crush the shit out of 'em when they do.

[h/t ksl.com via BGN]

Brent Celek's Groin Is Excited To Meet You

So am I crazy or does Captain Morgan look like AJ Daulerio and sound like Guy Fieri? He does, right? Whatever. Even though I hate spiced rum, this was actually kinda funny and supports my thought that Brent Celek would be a cool guy to have a pizza party with.

Anyway, I'd really just like to know what other work the actor who plays the Captain has done. You just know he has a long list of credits he's not proud of. Like "Pirate #3" at Little Jimmy's Bar Mitzvah. But alas, the Internet has failed me. I searched for minutes ages and couldn't even find the guy's real name.

[h/t KSK]

"I Think He's Supposed to Be Crumping"

I can't explain exactly why this is so funny. It just is. The fat kid, the Urkel, the husky riverdance, the commentary, all of it.

Jack fuckin murked this thing with the double-handed diagonal air punches. Steve (like Urkel), unable to continue his frantic Michael Jackson-like spasms, pulls out some wack jumping spider move. Pfft. Jack wins this shit hands down.

"Ooo HE'S LIKE FIGHT...DANCING." You're damn right he is.

Who Needs Piledrivers and Body Slams, I Just Wanna Dance!

Can you imagine a heated Legion of Doom and Natural Disasters tag team match in the early 90's suddenly breaking out into the ridiculous dance-apalooza we see above? Of course not, but thinking about it now, don't you really wish that had happened? Don't you?

Yes...yes you do.

Hypnotize.

The Quintessential DeSean Jackson Punt Return Video

To whoever eaglesphillyfootball is, outstanding work. This video does an amazing job of building up the entire dramatic comeback, the return and then fan reactions - all in one nice and neat package.

Honestly, I have no idea how this video has only 538 views, apparently people haven't been searching YouTube for 'desean jackson punt return from the stands' nearly as much as I have. Again, just the depth of sports (and life) exploration that TWW goes through every single day...just for you. Enjoy.

(Best moment is at the 4:50 mark, during the fan reactions. Hilarious.)

DeSean's TD, According to Tecmo Bowl

First off, yes, this was done in the SNES version, not the original NES version that we all know, love and prefer. However, it is pretty bad ass, and sync's up pretty nicely to the audio. Of course, that audio is Joe Buck...but I guess you can't win them all.

Anyway, here are some other moments in NFL history according to Tecmo Bowl. Enjoy.

The Catch



Marcus Allen's Run



Vinateri Beats the Rams



Porter's Interception



Santonio's Catch



Cardinals Knock Vikings Out of Playoffs



And one we'd like to forget...



[check out MrNFL for a bunch more, include the Marshawn Lynch one we've all seen]

Yep, I'm Rooting For The Steelers

There is so much awful going on in this video, I don't even know what to say. Just reason #7,046,543 I'm glad I don't live in Wisconsin.

[KissingSuzyKolber]

Wizards Fan Dunk Is Bad Ass

Ok, I admit the whole setup is terribly fake. The 'on a date and holding a cell phone' thing just isn't plausible. It would have been better just having this guy act normal like the rest, then throw down a massive dunk and have the crowd go nuts. Yea, they'd figure out it was fake eventually, but that first moment of surprise would have been worth it. However, the dunk is so bad ass that I'm pretty sure "Eddie" ended up getting his that night regardless of if he was on a real date or not.

[NESN.com]

The Japanese Have Impeccable Balance

We all know the Japanese for their ability to do math well, inability to drive and happy endings. But balance? Who knew they had that in bunches. The fact that this guy doesn't fall down blows my mind. Taking into consideration he's probably had about three bottles of sake prior to this train ride, you can't be anything but impressed. Something something bukakke.

So Every Rapper In the 90's Apparently Did St. Ides Commercials

I never knew a marginally-popular hood malt liquor company like St. Ides had this kind of marketing budget.  Maybe it's because I was in elementary school when these videos were produced, but wow I don't remember them at all. Everybody is in these things.  Like...everybody. Including Dr. Dre and Snoop (Doggy) Dogg as seen in this early 90's commercial. The Best Part? Most of the ads don't make any goddamn sense. Let's look at a quick breakdown of what happens in this one.

• Ripped dude on a fire escape pours an entire water cooler bottle on himself for some reason.
• Two hot girls drive by in a St. Ides-themed lowrider.
• She hits the switches and they starts ta bouncin.
• Uh oh, is that beer in her hydrolics? Looks like it.
• The car breaks the ground, then proceeds to bounce so high that it's vertical.
• Aaand now the car has broken the laws of physics and is levitating vertically and spinning, both women still inside.
• Holy shit now the car (and the girls) turn into a giant bottle of St. Ides.
• The bottle's top explodes off.
• A seemingly giant Dr. Dre grabs the car-and-girls-turned-malt liquor while Snoop (Doggy) Dogg confidently looks on.
• You become thirsty for a St. Ides.

It's...brilliant. Check out other commercials featuring Wu-Tang, Notorious B.I.G., 2Pac, Cypress Hill, and Eric B. & Rakim below.