[Philly.com] A Philadelphia elevator repairman who dealt crystal meth so he could afford his own $500 a day drug habit, was sentenced today to two years in federal prison. Erik Todd Trovarello, 35, was nabbed distributing large quantities of methamphetamine out of a U-Haul storage facility on Washington Ave. in South Philadelphia.
Let's hear it for the war on drugs. Although I have to question this story a bit. I don't really know anything about dealing and doing drugs, but a $500 a day meth habit of his own? Really guy? How the hell are you functioning? You should've died AGES ago. He's gotta be the BEST elevator repairman in the history of elevator repairmen. Just speeding from job to job and fixing elevators like it aint no thang. Anyway, I just hope Tony Danza plays this guy in the movie. Why this story immediately made me think of THIS movies' title, I have no idea. But I bet Tony Micelli would NAIL it.
[Huffington Post] - "[Dumb and Dumber] has run a bunch of times on TV in the states, and kids will come up and they'll be able to quote lines from that - lines that I've long forgotten," Bobby Farrelly said (via Moviehole). "If we could get those two guys back together, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels that might be a worthwhile sequel - and that ball is in motion. We're starting to think about what those two dimwits would be doing twenty-years later in life, and hopefully we'll be able to come up with something worthy of a sequel."
I know what your thinking, Jim Carrey isn't really funny anymore and Jeff Daniels is dead. Ok, maybe he's not dead but he's hasn't exactly been pumping out gems recently (see, RV and Space Chimps as exhibits A and B). Truth be told, I'm not sure how I feel about this. The potential suck-o-meter is certainly flashing with this one, but don't the Farrelly brothers deserve a little benefit of the doubt? Yes, they made The Ringer but we can all make mistakes, right? At the very least we'll get some good nostalgia out of this, and maybe - just maybe - a good movie. God knows we need something to get the stank out of mouths from Dumb and Dumberer.
That's what you get, you shaggy-haired retard! A frickin Roman Candle right in your face. All up in yo' face. I have no idea if this kid was OK after this, and I don't care. I'm more upset the toolbox who appears at the :25 mark wearing biking shorts and Shock G sunglasses didn't catch one too.
Also said "Philadelphia is not a place you want to be." I could probably write several thousand words on how I feel about this, but I'll keep it to four.
Cause I can't really tell. At times it sounds pretty sexy. But then I think about it and see that smug self-superiority smile on her face and I think she's just being judgmental.
Whatever. I'd be lying to myself if I said I wouldn't hit it.
You were sorely mistaken, hombre. I'm not even sure what exactly it is you're going for here, but I can assure you it's not funny or clever. This customized piece of doo-doo is nothing but a colossal waste of money. No one is seriously tapping you on the shoulder to compliment you on this glorified sweat rag without immediately turning back to his friends for some chuckles.
It's a little sad considering the guy appears to be an older gentleman. I base that on the scientific evidence of his old-looking back-of-the-head and on account of the quarter turtleneck peeking out from under the jersey. The poor fella probably has no idea how dumb this purchase was, or why he always gets stuck with the ugly chicks.
Wawa Coffee -- It Ain't Free, But It's Cheap - Wawa is awesome. Why? Well, because for the entire month of January, you can grab any size, any flavor of their coffee for $1. Yup, just a dollar, no matter what size or flavor you fancy. Enjoy!
This is amazing.
How and why could any anyone click "Furious" or "Sad"? Are you a Wawa stockholder? Do you have a Mormon-like hatred for hot drinks? The fuck is wrong with you? I clicked "Thrilled." Why? Because French Vanilla cappuccino is motherfucking delicious and is worth me losing my toes to diabetes.
Side note: the milkshake machine is also amazing and completely underutilized. I never see anyone but myself using this thing. Don't you see what we've accomplished? Taking a frozen cylinder, putting it into a machine, and getting a delicious milkshake in mere seconds. That's some Jetson's shit! If the milkshakes were a dollar I'd lose my whole foot by MLK day because of that 57 grams of sugar thing.
Seriously, this chick looks like she got raped by The Joker. According to police, her and Chinpubes Tarantino here "crashed a Midnight Mass in Drexel Hill on Christmas Eve...stumbled down the aisle, fondled each other in a pew and flushed drugs down the church toilet." Okay sounds like the kids had some fun...why so serious??
Oh, probably because they had 43 random pills, plastic vials, and a shitload of heroin on them when the cops came. I'm guessing these two will be a little more low-key next time they attempt to rob a church on Christmas. Didn't white people see First Sunday? Even airbrushed Ice Cube knows it's a bad idea to get fucked up before an attempted church robbery. For shame, Alexander Pirone and Catherine McGrath of Upper Darby. For shame.
While filling in for Sean Hannity last night, Tucker Carlson decided it was a good idea to express his feelings that Michael Vick should've been EXECUTED for killing dogs. He does so in a tone of complete sincerity. I might've been worried if he didn't precede that statement with "I'm a Christian and I believe fervently in second chances..."
The whole thing was brought up during a discussion of Obama's phone call to Jeffrey Lurie to thank him for giving Michael Vick a second chance. They also left out the fact that the real reason for the phone call was to discuss the Eagles plans to power Lincoln Financial Field with alternative energy and give praise for being the first major professional sports team to put the plan in motion.
Video clip of Carlson sounding stupid after the jump.
For the record, I'm not a political guy. I not informed enough (or care enough) to break this into any type of political discussion, or discuss any of the real motives behind some of the "points" made here. It's entirely possible Carlson was speaking in hyperbole (although I don’t necessarily think he was). But even if he was, he's a dope for taking it to the extreme that he did. He should know better this would be posted as fact on every media outlet.
Me personally? I'm a simple man. One who's a big fan of common sense. There's none of it present in this clip. So way to go Tucker, at least we know you're all for second chances.
Unless dogs are hurt, of course. Then we have to cut these bitch's heads off!
The infamous BlueStarShockTrooper went and responded to our little blog post! How bout that - who would've guessed this Husky McTittyballs would've had the time in between Hot Pockets and Cool Ranch Doritos to fire off another video?
Typically, I'm not one for back and forth banter, but since we're gentlemen, I suppose we do owe him the courtesy of a response. So Mr. ShockTrooper - switch to your favorite pair of stunner knockoff Oakley's, release the fistful of Chunky wrappers from the grasp of your sausage link fingers, and let’s get this over with.
When we last left this zilch, he was wandering aimlessly through the streets of his neighborhood yelling into a Handicam about how bad the Philadelphia Eagles will be. Lo, he was not hit by traffic. However, the good news is that he seems to have gotten larger since the last time we saw him (is there a baby BlueStarShockTrooper on the way??).
While he appears to be of an indeterminate age, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he grew up in the 90's. I've come to learn that Cowboys fans of that generation harp on decades of "storied history" or immediately blurt, "how many Super Bowls have you guys won?" as their go-to basis of an argument. I'm going to take a wild guess that some of his other favorites include the Bulls, Yankees, Red Wings, Miami Hurricanes, 90's Tiger Woods, Pete Sampras, and The Harlem Globetrotters. I know it may be hard to accept change for someone whose computer looks like something Doogie Howser typed his diary into (see: background of video), but the front-running thing is tired and old. You really could do much better by trying to justify the team that's actually playing on the field in present day. Keep the Delorean in the garage, Chins.
At least in this video he took the time to learn that the ‘l’ in Kolb is silent. So I give him his due props there. But I have to stop him when he claims that his points are backed up ‘facts’. Jon Kitna is better than Kolb because he’s older and can function under pressure? Are ya sure about that? You do know that Jon Kitna threw 42 interceptions in his last 2 full seasons as a starter in the NFL, right?
And let’s dispel the whole “Kitna has a higher QB rating than Kolb” thing. Let’s put aside the fact that you even bringing this up is retarded since there’s such a small sample size to work with. Kevin Kolb has only started two games in his career. His ratings in those games were 73.2 and 120.6 respectively. Kitna’s ratings after his first two career starts were 72.2 and 91.6. So by your logic, Kolb will actually be superior.
In summation, Emmitt Smith cannot read beyond a 3rd grade level, Michael Irvin stabs people in the neck with scissors, and it took the Cowboys over a decade to get a playoff win. But hey, at least your breasts look nice and busty in that jersey!
Like all Cowboys fans, I’m sure you want the last word as much as you want the last french fry. You’ll probably fire up the old webcam and bash Philly some more, and have at it. Everybody needs a hobby.
Oh, and don’t forget - your coach is still Wade Phillips. So you’re fucked.
ALSO, this whole ordeal has opened us up to the phenomenon of Trash Talk Circle(s), which apparently are (popular?) communities of people on various sports sites and YouTube who just yell at one another about the greatness of their favorite team while disparaging everyone else. One user, RipperEagle96, sent us a an example video (which we will not post but I'm sure you can easily find) a couple of days back. This whole Trash Talk Circle thing is scary, sad, and new to me, and thus will require more research and hatorade on the part of TheWizWit. We'll let you know what we find. Stay tuned.
Wow, this shit is sadder than Big Fan. The above man-boy, known only to us as BlueStarShockTrooper, has some choice words for Philadelphia Eagles fans. There's no reason to get angered by his accusations, let alone waste time responding to them. When someone is claiming that your QB is worse than Jon Kitna, I kind of shut my ears off. To me, it's funnier to just let fatty here simmer in his own pathetic worthlessness. Look at the anger in those chins!
If Jack Nicholson and Lewis Black had a child, and that spawn mated with the Crying Giants Fan, you'd have ol’ ShockTrooper here. He has a couple other Eagle bashing videos on YouTube if you want more of him to laugh at. In THIS ONE, he adds some crusty facial hair that really just looks like he tried wiping his ass with his chin.
This post is also featured on CrossingBroad.com. Check those guys out - funny stuff and they do some real good work.
So I was watching the Lakers game and I thought, "Wow, Karl Malone was a Laker at one point, wasn't he?"
Then I got to thinking of what other players ended their careers in strange jerseys. Then I thought, Durr, I should write a post about that.
I then realized that I'm stupid. There was sure to be a post about that somewhere already. So I searched. And found this one. Then this one. And this one.
So as I began to give up on the idea, I realized how much fun I was having looking at these over-the-hill superstars trying to squeeze in a couple more years of paychecks. Post was back on.
