We Love You Donovan! (Not McNabb)

So I was at an off-site work meeting for most of this morning, constantly sneaking glimpses at my co-workers' Android phone-powered live feed of this match / trying not to get fired. What...OFFISDES!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

[whispering]
"We just need to bomb every country with a FIFA ref, period."
"Oh, totally."

Second half was spent in the office, blatantly watching the shit en español on Univision's website. Then it happened. 91st minute stoppage-time goal by newly-christened American Hero Landon F. Donovan. The office exploded. Car horns and cheers coming from the streets. Full on Sparta.

Next up is Ghana. And even though I'm jealous that your country's name translates to "Warrior King," you're goin down like a 16-year-old hooker on Lawrence Taylor. THESE COLORS DON'T RUN.

In closing: eff England, eff Slovenia, eff Algeria, eff Mali...eff the world at this point. Hey France, hows my ass taste?

Boo This Man!

This is the guy responsible for several awful calls in the USA/Slovenia match including a bullshit call-back of the 3rd goal winner for the US. He is Koman Coulibaly from Mali. He's the reason we tied instead of won. He stinks.

USA Head Coach Bob Bradley: "I still don't know why the goal was disallowed."

Neither do we, Bob. Did the U.S. do something evil to Mali at some point (besides probably turning some of its people in slaves several hundred years ago)? According to Wikipedia, "Mali’s relations with the West in general and with the United States in particular have improved significantly". What the French, Toast? We ain't cool?

Koman Coulibaly, go back to Mali, play your Kora, and eat a diet heavily based on cereal grains you Darryl Strawberry-headed snake!

Jackass of the Day Award: Jim Joyce

If you have ever made a terrible mistake, you'll certainly empathize with what Jim Joyce did tonight. Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga was one out away from a perfect game when the fu manchu wearing dumbo Joyce decided to call Jason Donald safe.

Unacceptable.

Watch the replay. He wasn't safe and, honestly, it wasn't really that close. Now for those of you who might not understand why this is such an egregious error, you probably don't understand just how rare a perfect game is. There have been only 20 in the history of MLB baseball (including one by our own Roy Halladay last Saturday), a league that has been around since 1876. Needless to say, they don't happen every day. So for an umpire to call a runner safe on a close play, with a pitcher one out away FROM THE GREATEST INDIVIDUAL ACCOMPLISHMENT A PRO ATHLETE CAN HAVE, well, is just terrible. I know you gotta get the call right, but if the runner isn't obviously safe, don't you have to call him out just in case you might be wrong? I mean, nobody is gonna crucify an ump for a wrong call that allows a perfect game. Unfortunatley, common sense is something that is lost on Jim Joyce. I'm not even a Tigers fan and I'm upset.

I'm sure tonight Joyce will watch the replay, see he was wrong and try to contact Galarraga to apologize. I doubt Galarraga listens, and I don't blame him. Joyce cost a guy an opportunity at perfection and that is something no one would take lightly. My heart goes out to Armando. Especially since he isn't very good and will likely go right back to sucking next time out. Poor guy.

On another note, the best part of the whole thing is watching Miguel Cabrera verbally tear Joyce a new asshole after the missed call. I'll try to find a good clip of this to post, but it's classic. If I'm Detroit, I'm worried. This is exactly the kind of thing that can put a guy back on the wagon. And we all know Miggy loves the wagon.