I Bet It Tasted Like Crap

Poo Muncher Caught On Camera - Watch more Funny Videos

Well that was unpleasant. I stumbled upon this and felt obligated to force your eyes on it as well. This lady dives deep into her cavernous backside, does a little digging, and decides to take a whiff. Then gives it (what looks to be) a quick lick. WHAT. THE. FUCK. You clearly just dookied your drawers, but for some reason, decided to go back for seconds. My favorite part of this comes after her confirmation sniff when she looks at her friend and as if to say, "Welp, it happened again."

Her actions just boggle my brain. I won't even do an over-the-pants butt scratch in public for fear of someone noticing. It's like a covert mission to accomplish that feat when others are around. Minutes of planning and precise movement go into relieving my itchy buns. If you ever catch me forearm deep in my ass, by all means, bash me in face with a brick. I'll understand.

[h/t Break]

You Ever Get Rrrrreally High and Poke a Cop With a Vibrator?

This German guy did. Love how casually he whips out this pink plastic piece to start fucking with the cop. This guy's a legend for dildo-carrying drug addicts everywhere. AND I'm pretty sure he did all of this at a children's carnival.

There's probably some 8 year-old kid named Ferdinand with the illest ecstasy to ever hit the Berlin streets.

h/t oHAYthur

Does This Look Like The Face of a Guy In Jail For Cooking His Pubes Into a Cops Breakfast Sandwich?

Asylum - When line cook Ryan Burke spotted in his restaurant the police officer who had once stopped him for a traffic violation, he decided to cook the cop up something really special. So the 27-year-old New Jerseyan made sure there was a not-so healthy dose of his chest and pubic hair in the turkey, egg and cheese bagel he made for the Evesham Police Department officer. It didn't take long for the cop to figure out what was going on, and he had the offending sandwich sent to the state crime lab, were it was confirmed the hairs matched Burke's DNA. Burke plead guilty to aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and retaliation for past official action, and was sentenced to 15 days in jail for his culinary crime.

15 Days in jail just for some pubes? C'mon, Officer. Be man enough to confront the dude about it; no need to involve the crime lab. I dunno. Maybe I'm just sympathetic to this guys' case because I may or may not have sandwich spread my own saliva in a cops' hoagie when I was a teenager working at Wawa.

Doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

And Here Are Hoodies Made From Blow-Up Dolls

Yes, that's what you think it is.

This is brilliant because they use all the parts. Mouth hole hood, nipple on the shoulder, Vijay Singh in your armpit. Totally dig the idea. I just imagine some hipster fixie-biking to the corner store tryin to buy some PBR and American Spirits, realizing that he's short 30 cents, then reaching into his jacket vagina for some change. That's a victory all around.


h/t mur via Refinery29

Al Davis Is As Horrifying As Ever

This lovely photograph is from Hue Jackson's introductory press conference as the Raiders new head coach. You really don’t get much more dreadful than this. No words exist which can accurately express just how revolting this truly is.

Considering what the rest of this ghoul’s face looks like, what types of cavernous gashes or immense liquid seepage do you suppose he's hiding under those Band-Aids? I don’t think I can allow my imagination to go to a place dark enough to even venture a guess. It's a mighty sad day when a herpes sore the size of a quarter is the least of your problems.

h/t Tirico Suave

Homeless Guy Wakes Up to Rat on Face in NYC Subway

It's no secret that I live in New York. Great city for culture, food, events...not so much the people, but you get the point. Everyone fucking glorifies this place, but let me tell you this: NYC is the dirtiest city ever.

I had friends from Philly visit me in Brooklyn last week and they we all like "Wow, this is way cleaner than N Philly." And on the surface they're right. But they didn't ride the subway. They never sat next to bloated homeless guy whose pissed himself for 30 straight days and is drunk off E&J singing gospel songs. They never watched a regular-ass businesswoman throw up on herself waiting for a train at 5:30pm. And they definitely never had a rat run up their leg and onto their faces.

A rat...on your face. You just know Mr. Hobo drank twice as hard that night.


h/t Gawker.tv

Epic Meal Time: Drinking Four Loko Out Of Bacon Cup

If you're not yet familiar with Epic Meal Time, get familiar. They've gotten drunk off pancakes, put a bird inside of a bird inside of a bird inside of a bird inside of a pig, and now PETAs nightmare is back making Chili Four Loko.

I'm so torn. On one hand these guys are funny and cook dishes so ridiculously unhealthy Andy Reid could masturbate to them. On the other hand, they're Canadian. What to think?

This is definitely the reason why terrorists hate us.

Never Ever Eat Anything in Florida Ever

Blogs and news outlets are reporting on this ESPN report exposing unhealthy stadium concessions facilities. Philly looks to be fine, but you can't say so much about DC or ANYWHERE IN FLORIDA. Gross.

By the way, Madison Square Garden, there's no way in the world those are only "mouse excreta" in your food prep area. Thems rats!