Eagles 34, Texans 24: More Camera Talk

Papa John: Enough is Enough - As I Tweeted last night, I get a serious kick of out Papa John's current marketing campaign. You know the one: Papa John visits a family/sporting event/party, brings plenty of pizza, then shows the world that he can throw a football.

REENACTMENT!

Diane - Okay marketing team, we've been busting our humps for the entire second quarter on this concept and I think it's finally ready for air. Gary, I really love what you did with the CGI and graphics team. Terry, the actors you selected were fantastic. I really am proud of you all--

Papa John - Papa's in the hooouuuuuussse!! What the fuck is up, MARKETERS!?

Diane - Oh, uh, hi John. We were just getting ready to present our final cut of the new commercial to you toda--

Papa John - [grabs pepper off table, dips in garlic sauce, and begins chewing loudly] Eff that noise, I got an idea. Hows about you not worry about all that faggy acting and CGI stuff, and just show me slangin' high-quality Papa John pizzas, whippin' around in my Camaro, and bombing a couple footballs DEEP as SHIT??

Diane - I...but, John, we've been working on this campaign for the last two--

Papa John - GREAT, SO IT'S DONE! Call your camera people and tell them to meet me at my cousin Katie's place in the suburbs. She'll bring over people from the neighborhood, we'll talk about the freshness of my toppings, I'll gun some fifty yarders at the local kids...it'll be great.

Diane - .......as you wish, sir.

Papa John - Goddamn right! HEY -- you guys busy? I got some coke in my office if you's feel like partyin'...

What else did we learn? Unquestioned MVP, Chad Hall's Package, NFL Networst, Te-o'Nesheim,  OBEY THE LAWS, If it Ain't Broke, Jorrick Calvin, Black Egg, Kevin Kolb Reflective Thoughts Meter, and No Guarantees.

Unquestioned MVP (for now) - Phillip Rivers is having a fantastic season. As is Tom Brady. And let's not forget Dwayne Bowe's recent success and the 2010 reemergence of Matt Ryan. All of these guys should be considered candidates and are playing top-notch gridiron right now. But none of them...NONE...are touching Michael F. Vick right now.

Vick is now 6-1 this year in games he's started and finished. While the argument of whether or not he's the most valuable player to his team is open for debate (Manning, Brady, and Rivers come to mind), his 86% best-in-the-league winning percentage is not.

More numbers? Well, Mike Vick is second in the league in QB Rating (105.7). Second in the league in yards per completion (8.4). Has the fewest interceptions of any starting QB in the league (2). And while one can point out that he's only 13th in the league in yards per game (249.2), the fact that the dude only is given the 24th most attempts per game (29.8) explains the aberration.

What else am I missing...? Oh yeah, HE'S A MOTHERFUCKING RUNNING BACK, TOO.

Vick's averaging 51.9 yards per game (more than Ronnie Brown, Ryan Mathews, and Brandon Jacobs), is 10th in the league in rushing TDs (more than Ahmad Bradshaw, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Frank Gore), and has the best yards per carry of anybody with at least 30 carries (6.3).

Since the bye and his return from injury, Ookie's per game averages are: 288 passing yards, 1.8 passing TDs, a 104.9 QB Rating, 56 rushing yards, and 1 rushing TD while only turning the ball over 0.6 times a game.

Averaging 344 total yards a game the last 5 weeks? Sounds pretty Valuable to me.

Chad Hall's Package - It may be small and ineffective, but it plays its role.

While I'm not a huge fan of Danny Woodhead Chad Hall getting goal line wildcat carries, I like what the Eagles are trying to do. The goal is simply to make defenses have to think and prepare for what they do with Hall. They have a handful of plays in the Chad Hall package, most of which involve him moving from the WR spot to surprise the defense with a run play. I just KNOW Andy and Marty of saving up for an epic play-action to Hall deep pass to DeSean in the playoffs. Just another wrinkle in an already complex offensive scheme.

NFL Networst - I already hated Joe Theismann, NFL. For starters, this guys name is pronounced "THEEZman" and was only changed when he was trying to win the Heisman trophy in college. Not only did he NOT win the Heisman, but he kept the pronunciation...which places him squarely in "eternal clown" territory. Also, he's a part of the NFL meathead commenterratti with other over-emotional and under-intelligent talking heads like Jamie Dukes, Mike Ditka, and Terry Bradshaw. He's terrible.

Then the NFL adds in Matt Millen, who is like an un-lovable version of John Madden. Which basically means he's a hulking moron without the rings or "Madden Football" fame to back up anything he's saying. Pair those two with play-by-play announcer X and you get a near unlistenable NFL broadcast.

WTF did we do to deserve this? Doesn't the NFL make enough money to get better people on Thursday nights? Why not make Rich Eisen and Deion call the game? At least then there's a chance Deion could say something YouTube-able to make the evening interesting.

Te-o'Nesheim - is the WORST. Rookie DE Daniel Te'o-Nesheim should never have been drafted even close to the third round. I only remember seeing him in for a couple of plays, and when I watched him stuff like THIS happened (watch him at the bottom of the screen). I love your name, and would love for you to make plays if only to hear announcers fuck up the pronunciation and giggle about it for several minutes afterward. But it doesn't look like you're fit for an NFL field at all. Either Danny Te-'o-Errible needs to hit the weight room and add some serious strength, or the Birds need to send dude to the practice squad, post haste.

OBEY THE LAWS - That's our boy! It's no secret that we here at TheWizWit are huge Trevor Laws fans, so it was great to see him make a crucial play Thursday. It doesn't appear that he's still rocking the mustache, but I guess the power is just coming from his Tarzan/Geico caveman hair. OBEY THE LAWS!

If it Ain't Broke - The Eagles ran pretty much the same exact play for their first and last touchdowns. Rolling Vick to his left with a RB in the flat looking for the dump-off. Vick's speed makes this place simple and effective.

Jorrick Calvin - I think he's STILL dancing in the end zone right now. It was holding, Jorrick. Sorry.

Black Egg -

(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

Kevin Kolb Reflective Thoughts Meter -

No Guarantees - After playing with ESPN's Playoff Machine for a while yesterday, I came to a very obvious conclusion: it would be really easy for the Eagles to miss this years' playoffs. While we're all feeling good about the things Vick and this young group have been able to achieve, we mustn't forget that the team is still on thin ice. Due to losses to the Packers and Bears, and the impressive records of the Falcons, Saints, and Bucs, the Eagles damn near have to play perfectly for the rest of the way to make a serious playoff run. The remaining schedule goes like this: Cowboys, Giants, Vikings, and Cowboys. A loss to the Giants and one of the other teams? Philadelphia may be watching postseason from home.

But don't let my Debbie Down-ness get to you.  Next up are the Cowboys in 9 days.

Go Birds.

You Can't Hold Down Ole Two-Sacks McGee, Son!

This afternoon, our boy Trevor Laws was rightfully credited his second sack from Sunday's beating of the Jaguars.  Many congrats to Law's as these were sack numbers 1 and 2 in his career.  It's no secret we here at TheWizWit are big fans.  In fact, this blog operates with a weekly Trevor Laws quota. 

In all seriousness, Trevor Laws has been fantastic for the Birds this year and is seemingly putting everything together in his third NFL season.  He had great preseason showing vast improvements from 2009 which in turn, earned him more playing time.  He was one of the most active players on the field Sunday, and filled up the stat sheet.  He finished the day with 2 sacks, 6 tackles (2 for a loss), and knocked down two balls as he clogged the passing lanes.  Keep up the great play, Mr. Laws.  Well done. 

And to the Elias Sports Bureau - don't let another mistake like this happen again.  Yall know Trevor won't let this shit slide twice.  OBEY THE LAWS!

Eagles 28, Jaguars 3: Boom

Michael Vick is heartless, dog-drowning sociopath...if by "heartless, dog-drowning sociopath" you mean the GREATEST QUARTERBACK IN THE WORLD.

Holy shit just look at my dude bein' all menacing and awesome. McNabb? He's a Chunky soup-slurpin', interception-smirking punaniface. Kolb? He sucks. But Michael, oh Michael...you're the one. You're the shit like 50 I'm-the-shit-like similes from Lil' Wayne.

Oh, what's that? You're one of those Eagles fans that could never let MV7 turn the page on his conviction? You're that guy who could never come to grips with the fact that your favorite football team is now being led by Ookie so you openly rooted  for his failure? Well I'm here to tell you it's okay -- but I know how you feel:

So what did we learn this week? Well, The Jaguars are Really Really Bad, MV7 for MVP, Save Him for Later, OBEY THE LAWS, DeSean's First Dougie, StewBrad to the Rescue, and Silence for the Dead.

The Jaguars are Really Really Bad - Yes indeedy.  While I'm as excited for the possibilities of what Vick can accomplish as the next delusional Eagles fan, I understand that we really must temper our feelings in this case.  The Jaguars are a bad football team.  The Football Outsiders agree.  I could sit here and Google a bunch of facts about how they're 29th in the league at this and last in the league in that, but that would be wasting your valuable time with Jaguars statistics.  You're probably at work...reading Jacksonville Jaguars stats is like giving your company the finger.

MV7 for MVP -

Save Him For Later - "Fourth and 1 and you run a sweep to Mike Bell?!"  Yes, I thought the same thing...but there's a reason for Andy and Marty sparingly using their second-year burgeoning star RB: it's a long season.  There was a point last year where LeSean McCoy hit "the wall" and could no longer produce as he did earlier in the season.  Why wear him out too early in a game against the Jaguars?  I mean, their uniforms and logo look like the pattern a gay 12-year old would have on their pajamas.  Save Shady's legs now and keep him strong heading into the playoffs.  Yeah bitch I said playoffs.

OBEY THE LAWS - That's my dude.  Trevor Laws -- the first Eagles player to link this blog -- had a ridiculous game yesterday showcasing power, tenacity, and a raggity-ass-awesome beard.  Six tackles, a sack, and two defensed passes.  OBEY THE LAWS!

DeSean's First Dougie - Check it out here.  Sadly, the camera pans away before DeSean can really get into intricate add-your-own-flava steps of the Dougie, but at least he gave us the end zone dance move we've been asking for. No, really, we've been asking for this. Although DJack didn't answer us via Twitter, I don't think I'm stepping my bounds by assuming that TheWizWit was his sole source of inspiration and that the dance was simply a physical way of showcasing how much he cares about this blog. You're welcome, Mr. Jackson.

StewBrad to the Rescue - Total points scored against the Eagles while Stewart Bradley is playing - 6.  With a deep D-line rotation and several similarly-mediocre CBs (after Asante), Stew might be the most valuable part of this defense.  As I've said before: Omar Gaither suuuucks.

Silence for the Dead - Donovan F. McNabb makes his way back to Philadelphia this Sunday.  I think all of us over the past several years have at some point envisioned what this game would look like.  Who would McSoup be playing for? Who would be the Eagles quarterback?  What did we trade him for?  After now understanding the answers to all of these questions, the situation doesn't seem any less strange.

There are books that can (and probably will) be written about McNabb's time in Philly.  I'll save you the emotional paintings and nostalgia, but it will be important how we as Philly fans react to Donovan's return nonetheless.  The national spotlight will be on us, the fans of Philadelphia, for those few moments as he runs onto the field.  This is our chance to finally dispel those tired and trite depictions of us as Booers of Santa Claus.  Sure, we like to run onto the field of Citizens Bank Park every once and again and sometimes throw up on the daughters of police...but those things are few and far between.  We know who we really are: passionate, fun, knowledgeable, demanding, and we show phenomenal poise in the pocket. WE'RE GREAT FANS.  So I say fuck their stereotypes.

Let's have a moment of silence when Donovan runs onto Lincoln Financial at 4 o'clock Sunday afternoon.  One part respect for what he's accomplished in our uniform, one part intolerance for his decade-long nonchalant and frustratingly casual attitude, and one part "you were wrong about us, America".  Booing would be too predictable and applause would be too boring. Silence would be a surreal moment for Mac-5 and Eagles fans alike.  I say let's do it.

Go Birds.


Main photo By: Doug Benc/Getty Images Other Photo By: D. Hallowell for PhiladelphiaEagles.com

The Transformation of Trevor Laws

By all accounts, Eagles DT Trevor Laws has looked impressive this camp. I mean, look at all the lazy and analogous reporting positive stories on his progression! Dominating the line of scrimmage. Getting pressure on the QB's. Stuffing the run. This is great news, people!

But what was the catalyst for such a drastic advancement in T-Laws' play? Offseason fitness programs? Confidence from experience at the professional level? Pressure from the coaching staff? Nope!

MUSTACHE.













When Trevor first burst onto the scene, he was just a big kid with a Jew-y afro and an infectious smile. But just look at this motherfucker now!

If the Old Spice guy, cartoon Tarzan, Antoine Laconte from Deuce Bigalo, and Tom Selleck's mustache somehow all impregnated some giant-sized woman...2010 Trevor Laws would be the lovechild. Sure he still resembles the dude in your dorm that made bongs out of fruit, but now he looks like he could carve that apple and bang your girlfriend at the same time.

Thanks to a little hard work and a lot of upper lip bristle, there's a big season ahead for our boy @TrevorLaws. OBEY THE LAWS!!

UPDATE!

Athlete Website Review!

Periodically, TheWizWit will be bringing an athlete’s website to light. Some sites may be good. Most will be terrible. But it's the learning experience that will bring us all together.

So without further ado, let's get to our review of Trevor Laws' site http://www.trevor-laws.com/! You know, before he gets cut.


Let me first say that, by all accounts, Trevor Laws seems like a pretty down to earth and genuinely nice guy. He takes time to answer all his fan's questions (there’s surprisingly a lot) and does so with actual answers instead of one word responses. It's good to see his fame modest NFL paycheck hasn't gone to his head.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way - this website is downright turrible. From a design standpoint, it's actually pretty decent. Then Trevor adds in his content and it quickly turns to dookie.

My favorite part of this website is the 'Club 93 Store'. The T-shirts are FANtastic. Check out the 'Obey the Laws' shirt. You know you want one.

Or maybe you're more into the personal logo Trevor has plastered all over his page. I know a few gentlemen that would KILL to have a shirt with an outline of Trevor Law's scraggly hair and scruffy beard. KILL I tell you!

Need a birthday gift idea? $20 will net you a Trevor Laws 3 point stance autographed photo! And by ‘birthday’, I really meant ‘gag’.

Trevor also has a slew of videos posted on his blog. Since highlights of his pro career do not exist, it’s full of videos ranging from high school highlights, to his wrestling matches, to his singing of his homecoming song. I honestly didn’t bother watching any of them, but all are riveting I’m sure.

All in all, I can’t fault Trevor for trying to ‘get his’. Even if he doesn't sell one autographed mini helmet at $40, he still can use this site as a way to interact and give back to his fans. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that he dedicated each tackle in 2009 to a fan. All 10 of you are lucky and should cherish that.

I'll leave you with Trevor's signature quote as it appears on his site, "Lets Do Work. Superbowl homeboy." Superbowl ineed sir. But only if you obey the laws.

PS - I'm pretty sure Trevor Laws LOVES weed.