Chooch: The Best Player on Earth Post

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

I know what I am about to say will be met with a lot of mouth farts and head shakes. Many of you will say, "Hey, Anonymous, stick with your obligatory hockey posts and smart ass comments in the comment section." But I keeps it real.

So here it goes: Carlos Ruiz should bat fifth. I, 2, 3, 4, FIF.

Backwards ? Estoy Loco? Maybe... but Chooch is the most underrated player in baseball, both offensively, and in his ability to call a game. Honestly, how many great Phillies moments have you enjoyed at the courtesy of, Ruiz? A lot is the answer. Chooch is clutch. My man, batted .302 last year. Sure, he only had 8 homers and 53 RBIs, but he was just filling his role. He strikes me as a Juan Castillo type, maybe because I perceive them both as Mexicans, or maybe it's because I believe that given the opportunity, Mexicans, no matter what country they are from, will do whatever job is asked of them. Just look at Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, and Juan, from the pizza place... What do all these men have in common? All Mexican, all superstars. I think a hora es aqui para el Chooch.

Of course, I'm only suggesting this line-up against lefties. He's a righty, and we know we need one of those. We've seen his power, and we know he has the capability of getting hot. I'm all about batting him fifth. Still worried about Chooch's numbers? Let's compare them to World Series Champion, Buster Posey's numbers: .305BA, 18HR, 67RBIs. Posey bats in the top half of the Giants lineup, and Ruiz is better than Buster fuckin' ass Posey. You're tellin' me Chooch can't put up those numbers? I can't believe no one is even suggesting it. Let's look at it.

Versus Left: S- Rollins; R- Polanco; L- Utley; L- Howard; R- Ruiz; S- Victorino; L- Ibanez; R- Francisco
Versus Right: S- Rollins; S- Victorino; L- Utley; L- Howard; L- Brown; R- Polanco; L- Ibanez; R- Ruiz

All I know is, that when MLB The Show 11 comes out, this is gonna be my franchise mode lineup. Chooch is a steal in fantasy baseball too. He's ranked like 350 something and everyone knows it's hard to get a good catcher past the 6th round. Fuck Carlos Santana, I'm grabbin' Chooch, late... no homo. It's a stretch, but I'm just thinking outside the caja.

GO PHILLIES

Hechos es Hechos, Putas

He vuelto a hacer. En el séptimo inning, el tío Charlie me instó a batear de emergente. Los Dodgers respondieron con Broxton. Rápidamente me golpeó la mierda débil, y fue galardonado con 2 RBI's.

Me gusta caca on Broxton casi tanto como yo disfruto arroz y frijoles.

Con Amor,
Chooch


(you may need this: google.translate.com)

Carlos is a Handsome Little Devil, A Short Ballpark Story

As you may have heard, everyone's favorite Panamanian catcher was honored with his own bobblehead last night. Foremost, I have to say that this is one of the cooler bobbleheads in my collection. Between him being down in a plate-blocking stance and the fact it comes with a removable mask, I'm in love with this thing. Certainly cooler than quasi-racist lawn gnomes or any typical mid-swing batting bobble.

Clearly I was not the only one who thought this. Everyone loves Carlos Ruiz. That was evidenced by A) THE LARGEST CROWD OF THE SEASON and B) the prison-like bartering from some the Citizen's Bank Park employees. While paying for my price-inflated cheesesteak, the Tony Luke’s girl handing out the trays of food quietly leaned in and asked each patron the same question. “Trade your bobblehead for a free steak?” At first I thought she was joking. After realizing she was completely serious, I was just caught off guard. She looked seriously upset when I declined. No one I went to the game with accepted the trade, nor did I see anyone else in line make the swap. That would basically be placing a value of $8.50 on your bobblehead. Not worth it in my opinion, but you can't blame the employees for trying to get some Chooch. I'm sure some extra hungry fatass took a whiff of the whiz and made the rash, heat-of-the-moment steakswap.

But as we tweeted last night, and was pointed out by TWW friend Eric, this may be the most handsome bobblehead of all time. I mean just look at those deep brown eyes, the chiseled features, and his stoic ceramic determination! It's like they modeled Ruiz after a young Antonio Banderas . TOO SEXY MY FRIEND!

Or maybe he just looks like a generic Italian guy. One or the other. Either way: great bobble, Carlos. No homo.

Was This "The" Game?

Every season there seems to be a game when you know things are turning around. In 2007 it was this game. In 2008, it was this one. And last year it was this. It happens every year, the one game comes along when suddenly it all clicks and the Phils take off. In '07 and '08 that came off of huge wins against the hated Mets. Last year, it was a huge blowout of the Reds right before the All-Star break. This year? Well...hopefully it's tonight's incredible comeback against the Dodgers.

It's an understatement to say that this season hasn't gone as planned so far. After all the injuries and bad play and Joe Blanton, it would be easy to write this team off (which I've almost done twice so far). But, games like this keep us believing there is a chance. Games like this keep us thinking "maybe this crazy ride doesn't have to end this year."

For one second, let's take a look at Broxton's epic collapse in 9th inning:

P Polanco hit by pitch.

M Sweeney walked, P Polanco to second.

J Werth walked, P Polanco to third, M Sweeney to second.

B Francisco grounded into fielder's choice to left, P Polanco and M Sweeney scored on error by third baseman C Blake, J Werth to second.

C Ruiz doubled to deep left center, J Werth and B Francisco scored.

Wow. Almost unbelievable, except that we've seen a lot of this over the past few years. Not only have our Phillies made a habit of coming back just when you thought they were dead, but they've absolutely owned Broxton for over two years now. They make the guy look like Adam Eaton, only less gay and more fat. Hell, he didn't even record an out tonight against a Phillies lineup missing THREE All-Stars (and a Ross Gload Face). Suffice it to say, Philadelphia is his daddy.

So, let's hope this is the game. Let's hope our Phils take off from here (hell, they've pretty much already taken off, they're 16-4 in their last 20 games), catch the Braves and head into the playoff ready to dominate. Sounds about right to me.

Go Phils.