Eagles 26, Colts 24: What the WHAT!?

The NFL is Rigged - The spread was +3 for the Colts. The Colts were down 9 points late in the fourth quarter. Something needed to change.

Fast forward to 4th and 18. Last chance for the defending AFC champs. Trent Cole bursts off the line, and although Peyton Manning does a solid job of keeping cool in a closing pocket, the self-proclaimed Quarterback Hunter gets to the 4-time MVP and takes him down. Sack. Game blouses.

Oh wait, no, it isn't. Why? BECAUSE THE NFL IS RIGGED.

I can deal with the call in the first half on the Austin Collie hit. I can deal with the terrible defensive interference on Dimitri Patterson. There was a blurry line for each of those and it can be understood why the refs would call them how they did. But the 4th and 18 call was all-too blatant. In that fraction of time when the yellow hankie went flying in Trent Cole's direction for ACCIDENTLY TOUCHING THE BACK OF PEYTON MANNING'S HELMET, the 4th wall for me was dropped and I saw the awful truth. The NFL is rigged folks. It just is.

Fuck it, we won. Unless you bet the Eagles...cause then you lost.

What else did we learn? Vince Vaughn Was There, Why Challenge?, Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa, Oh No, Nate!, CBS: NFC = WCW, Michael Vick's Arm is Stupid, Andy Reid was a Giant Child, and Countdown to Showdown.


Vince Vaughn Was There -

How bout that shit, eh? For some reason, I have this feeling that real-life Vince Vaughn is like Chappelle-show Wayne Brady. Something in his 4am cocaine rage eyes tell me so.

Why Challenge? - I'm really starting to believe that Andy Reid is a lot more emotional than we give him credit for. We generally don't consider Big Red an emotional guy, with all of his throat-clearing and baritone press conference nothingtalk. But think about when he's in pressure situations -- the dudes makes incredibly brash and emotional decisions. It's 3rd and 8 in the beginning of the second quarter and he wastes a timeout by challenging a play where Reggie Wayne clearly catches the ball. Why? Because of his emotional reaction to a close play and an outburst from the crowd. It's either that or because he's a moron. And Andy Reid isn't a moron..........right?

And why couldn't we challenge the Collie concussion/fumble? Because you wasted that timeout already, Fatty Mormon. Speaking of Austin Collie...

Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa - WAY more cold-blooded. Asante Samuel freaking out, the entirety of the Eagles Defense and coaching staff yelling at the refs while the crowd erupts in a booing frenzy...that shit was timeless. Snowball Santa is for vajayjay's!

Oh No, Nate! - According to Twitter (which has never lied to me), Rookie Safety Nate Allen is probably out of Monday's game against Benchtime McBurgundy and the Washington Racistnames with a neck sprain. While Kurt Coleman should do okay in his place, this team is certainly worse without the quietly prolific Allen playing the outfield.

CBS: NFC = WCW - I love the split between CBS and FOX. Because CBS is the AFC station and FOX is the NFC station, the slant/spin each network spews fourth concerning their respective conferences is laughable. It's kinda like listening to a WWF commentator making comments about "the other guys" (WCW) in the 1990's. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms spent at least two hours of yesterday's game verbally fellating the Colts. Oh, Shady McCoy breaks a big run up the gut? It's probably because of injuries to the Colts defense. What's this? Vick throws an errant pass incomplete to DeSean Jackson? It's probably due to that vaunted Colts defense. CBS needs to get more fair and balanced in their NFC coverage. Fair and balanced like, you know, Fox.

Michael Vick's Arm is Stupid - It's like a goddamn retard. Sixty yards in the air hitting DESEAN JACKSON in stride. Although it feels good to many to hate him for his past, we should all be appreciating Mike Vick in his prime. He's got the arm, learned how to play sound and throw accurately learning under Reid and Mornigwheg, and at 30 he's still got the jets. Really, just look at his body of work this season and ask yourself if he's not the prototype of the perfect quarterback. This was the guy Atlanta thought they'd have with him at 30, they just didn't expect him to go to jail for two years and come out doing it for the Eagles.

Andy Reid was a Giant Child -

Hahahahahahahaha, full video here. At least nobody can say he didn't throw that shit far. I'm impressed even for a Greg Oden-like monster child such as Andy.  Please please pleeeease make giant baby Andy Reid the new internet meme.  Him and all-white Kobe can sit on a bench with sad Keanu or something.  I'm looking at you, WithLeather.

Countdown to Showdown - Forget the Redskins...we got that game (JINX!). The real test is in two weeks against Manning Lite and the New York Giants. Believe it or not, the Giants are looking like the best team in the league right now, having racked up 5 straight victories in impressive fashion. The Eagles are now at relative full strength, and have the weapons to be a dominant force in this league. One of these two teams will win the division and have a great shot at NFC supremacy. Should be a good one. I have a feeling there may be another Desktop Wallpaper Bowl happening soon....

Go Birds.

Madden Drops McNabb's Stamina Rating Eight Points

It looks like Mike Shanahan, the head coach and supposed mascot for the Washington Redskins, has some pull in the Madden world. After Shanny's benching of Arizona McHuskyshape, the folks over at EA decided to drop the former Eagles QB's stamina rating from a 97 to 85 in their Week 9 update. This now assures that you'll be playing with Rex Grossman after scrambling more than 10 yards with Donovan.

Hooray for simulated football justice!

Also of note, the game's developers have decided that Kenny Britt's unlubed raping of the Eagles secondary wouldn't go unpunished as they dropped Ellis Hobbs' overall rating from an 81 to a 76 and Nate Allen's from a 79 to a 71. To reiterate: Kenny Britt has single-handedly made the Eagles' defense 13 points worse. RU Rah Rah.

h/t to Deadspin and PastaPadre

Eagles 35, Lions 32: Shady Vickness

Okay, I've got a confession to make: I didn't actually watch this game per se. My gf (who does my photoshop for free) got good tickets to Mets/Braves and I couldn't turn down the chance to root against the Braves and boo everything in sight for 3 hours. So yeah, I missed the Michael Vick Experience in his full experienceness and because DirecTV hates me, the game didn't properly dvr. So here I am providing commentary based on dozens of highlights, conversation with Eagles fans, conversations with Eagles haters, websites, other blogs, personal expertise and my own real-time neurotic checking of the box score.

So what did we learn? Well, Mike Bell Sucks Now, The Experience is Back, What About Shady?, Omar Gaither is the Worst, Jason Peters and the Magic Injury Machine, Defensive Tackles work Half Days, Special Thanks to Special Teams, NFC LEast?, Nate Allen DROY, and Juqua Parker Loves Sacks

Mike Bell Sucks Now - I say "now" because, like you, I saw this dude run over people last year for the Saints.  What happened?  Mikey...I don't like it.  Every couple of minutes I would glance down at my phone and see "Mike Bell carries for -2 yards."  I swear I saw that like 25 times.  I don't know what it is with him, but the harsh reality with RBs is that one second they'll have it, and the next they won't.  I'll give Bell another week because he's an (accomplished?) veteran, but if things don't change it may be time to move on.  Like how the Eagles did today by signing Bills practice squad RB Joique Bell.  Joique is a WAY cooler name than Mike...pack your bags we got a better Bell, bro.

The Experience is Back - What else can be said about the guy?  By the look of his pocket presence, I guess it's true that you can teach an old dog new tricks.  He scratched and clawed his way out of a ruff offensive line situation and doggoneit he impressed us all.  Every dog has its day and Sunday was MV7's.  Shtick!

What About Shady? -  Lost in the Michael Vick hype machine was the fact that LeSean "Shady" McCoy rushed for a 120 and 3 TDs.  Where's the press for this kid?  In two games he's already tied his number of rushing TDs from last year (4) and looks like he deserves to be fed the ball much, MUCH more.  I even heard that mindless dickface Jamie Dukes give Mike Vick FULL credit for Shady's success because he took the attention of the D away from McCoy.  Number one -- fuck you, Jamie Dukes.  You're a hack who's lucky to have a job in this economy.  Number two -- while I acknowledge that Vick's presence is a boon for any runningback, HE'S STILL THE ONE RUNNING THE BALL!  Great game from #25...we may just have to wait a little while longer until the mainstream media gives him his credit.  Did someone say 6.75 yards per carry?

Omar Gaither is the Worst -

This is one of the first pictures that came up when I Googled "the worst."  So I guess Omar is as bad as this album cover. He's terrible.  So so terrible.

I think a considerable amount of our defensive woes can and will be remedied by StuBrad's return.

Jason Peters and the Magic Injury Machine - Is it just me or does JP go down like 2-3 times a game?  I just know that the one time I say "Why is the hell is he down again?  Did he hurt himself lining up offsides?" he'll be done for the year.  So yeah, I'll keep playing along...but The Big False Start better keep getting back up.
[sidebar: I say this with love.  There seems to be a large contingent of Eagle fans who genuinely think Jason Peters sucks, which is far from true.  Sure, the guy gets called for a couple penalties per game, but I'll take 10 yards of penalties over 30 yards of DE sacks and an injured QB.  Dude is a talent.  Just maybe a tad slow in the brains.]

Defensive Tackles Work Half Days - I gotta give Sean McDermott credit -- I like what he's doing by moving QB-hunting rookie DE Brandon Graham inside to DT on passing downs to get extra pressure.  It's a great technique to get in the face of opposing quarterbacks.  You know whats another great technique? DEFENSIVE TACKLES THAT CAN GET TO THE QUARTERBACK.  Now, I'm not completely shitting on Mike Patterson and Broderick Bunkley, but there's a reason they get third downs off.  They're run stoppers, plain and simple.  It may be time next year to invest a high pick on a well-rounded DT.  Or, you know, an entire offensive line.

Special Thanks to Special Teams - Better coverage this week so credit to Bobby April.  Hey...lookin' good, Rocca.

NFC LEast? - Wow, the Cowboys look bad.  And so did the Giants.  And the Redskins just lost to a team coached by this guy. That whole best-division-in-football thing is lookin pretty flimsy.

Nate Allen DROY - Nine tackles and 2 picks in two games? Defensive Rookie of the Year? Could happen. Consider the fact that you haven't had to even think about him.  He held his own against the #1 or #2 offense in the league in his first game ever and his position was never a worry.  I know it's early, but the Birds taking Graham in the first round this year over Earl Thomas and coming back to nab Allen in the second looks pretty smrt.

Juqua Parker Loves Sacks - Both. Kinds.


Conclusion: It got too close there at the end and the defense showed that they are completely dependent upon Stewart Bradley. But a win is a win. Jacksonville is next and I think everyone knows it's time for Kevin Kolb to not look scared, to not get concussed, and to show us something. We'll see.  Go Birds.

(main Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images)

IT HAS BEGUN

OOOOOOOO Eagles Training Camp started today and Nate Allen is signed and Kevin Kolb looks sharp and rookies are impressing coaches and Dez Bryant is already a bigger dickhead than Desean Jackson and Madden comes out soon and when you win the Super Bowl you get to have a parade and meet frickin Obama!  Byah!