Alleluia! Thank You Racist America!

Well, that's one less thing we need to worry about. As we all know, Madden cover = death. Thankfully, America is rather racist, still loves dogs and can't get enough of white running backs. Now our 2011 season won't be ruined (minus the still-not-quite-fixed-very-confusing lockout situation).

On another note, Hillis is fucked. Poor Cleveland, even when something goes right for them they still ultimately lose.

Shawn Andrews Still Delusional, Speaks on Eagles Trading His Brother

Back here in reality, the real reason for Stacy Andrews being traded was because he's a bum, complained about playing Guard instead of Tackle, and all-around pretty much sucked. Simple as that. There's really no need for a guy like that on the squad.  Shawn's "situation" of being a thieving dingleberry didn't have much to do with this.

Plus, the Eagles don't like giving up draft picks and needed to re-coup the 7th rounder they used to trade for Antwan Barnes. So at the end of the day, the Eagles traded Andrews for Barnes. That's a winner in my book.

So Shawn, don't give yourself too much credit. And that goes for your agent who's claiming the same thing. Stacy was brought to Philly to help keep you sane and maybe help out on the offensive line. Neither worked out. I assure you, if Stacy were any good, he'd still be on the team.

More importantly, as we tweeted earlier this evening - if you change Antwan Barnes from an OLB to a DE, his Madden rating goes from a 72 to an 82. Howie Roseman knows what's up.

Madden Imitating Life or Life Imitating Madden?

All the real Madden fans out there -- the fantasy drafters, the ones who stand in line at midnight, the guy whose combination of dominance and arrogance starts fights amongst his friends and online 15 year-old's alike -- fully understand what's really goin on with LB Moises Fokou now playing DE: Andy Reid is using Madden techniques to increase his stats.

As you may know, there is a feature in the Madden video game that allows you to change a players position thus altering his overall rating at that position. Sometimes, depending on the player, your moving of a LB to a DE will result in a stat increase. Sometimes it's a big increase.

Now don't come at me with all this logical coaches-have-been-doing-that-for-years-and-that's-why-the-friggin-feature-is-in-the-game nonsenseness. I'M NOT FEELIN THAT RIGHT NOW. Madden came out in 1989 when Sean McDermott was 15 years old. As a teenager who loved football...cmon. His ass was gaming.

Or at least that's what I have convinced myself for the sake of this post.  Moving a so-so LB to the DE spot is a classic Madden move that any advanced gamer abuses.  McDermott is showing his youth right here and I like it.  Also, doesn't this seem like something the Eagles do a lot?  Alex Hall, Ricky Sapp, Daniel T'e-w8323R2D2, Chris Gocong...what positions do  these guys play?  Why are the Eagles constantly trying to cheat the game out of a couple ratings points?

But yeah, sure.  Try Fokou at DE.  Maybe he can get in on this 20-man D-line rotation.


Completely unrelated: you know what makes me happy? Morning tweets from Kanye West that say shit like "This is gonna be a dope ass day" and Saturday 2AM tweets that say "GREEEEEEEY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!! hahhahahahahaaaaaa!" That motherfocker is brilliance on ice.

IT HAS BEGUN

OOOOOOOO Eagles Training Camp started today and Nate Allen is signed and Kevin Kolb looks sharp and rookies are impressing coaches and Dez Bryant is already a bigger dickhead than Desean Jackson and Madden comes out soon and when you win the Super Bowl you get to have a parade and meet frickin Obama!  Byah!

Philadelphia Eagles Madden 11 Player Ratings

Full ratings here.  What's wrong?

Kevin Kolb 75 Overall
This is egregious. I understand that all of the ratings have been down the past couple of years and that I may be drinking the kelly green Kool-Aid here, but KK is better than a 75. There's no way that Andy Reid trades his franchise quarterback and decade-long butt bro Donovan McNabb IN THE DIVISION to start a 75. Chad Henne is a 75. And his face looks stupid. Hopefully we see this push 80 after a couple weeks into the season.

And is third-string rookie Mike Kafka's accuracy really better than our other QBs? Hmm. Weird.

Asante Samuel 29 Tackle rating
I know the dude isn't a great tackler, but a 29 tackle rating is ridiculous. I have a 29 tackle rating. Prepare to witness absurd tackle-breaking scenarios with dudes like Brett Favre or the fake-punt guy all game.

DeSean Jackson 95 Swagger Rating
So EA has sold even more of their game, this time adding in the hilariously unnecessary "Swagger" rating. Perhaps the Swagger ratings are a bit reverse racist, but how in the world is DeSean 'DJacc' Jackson only a 95 Swagger rating? LOOK at this motherfucker. This is a guy who publicly chest-bumps his 500lb coach. This is the same guy that not once but TWICE missed out on a touchdown because he was trying to celebrate into the endzone. On his Twitter he says things like "what up loco halla at ya nephew" to goddamn Snoop Dogg. @Desean Jackson, you are swagged out. Give this man his 99.

Oh yeah, how does Stuart Bradley have the lowest (45 Swag) on the team? He's lower than King Dunlap. Stu Brad is doing interviews with Drake!

Jason Avant 82 Catch
No way, bruh. [Jesus hands]

Daniel Te'o-Nesheim is a 0
'Cause apparently he's not on the team. What you got against Somoans, ESPN? They do the Humpty Dance, too!

phillygameday.com

Madden 11 Team Ratings, McNabb's Worth Revealed

The team ratings for Madden 11 were released this weekend and the Eagles were one of the biggest losers. The Birds dropped from an overall 86 down to an 80.

An 80 overall? That's so... Denver Broncosian.

Those 6 rating points were then promptly given to the Redskins who are now a 76 in the game (which is the biggest jump in rating for any team). A 12 point swing for McNabb. Too bad they still don't have any wide receivers. Or at least ones that don't do HGH.

Anyway, Kurt Warner is more valuable to his team, as the Cardinals dipped by 8 points - the largest overall rating drop in the league. And rightfully so considering Matt Leinart is their new #1. I'd much rather have the hog killer as my starting QB. Matt Leinart might look like a fun guy to hang out with and all, but dude blows at playing football.

As a bonus, here are the ratings that have been released for the Eagles top 2 draft picks:

Brandon Graham, DE - 78 overall
Nate Allen, FS - 75 overall

You can see the entire ratings of the 2010 draft class HERE. That link actually breaks down the rookie ratings into their individual attribute. Enjoy all you extreme Madden nerds.

Now let’s just hope the real life NFC East doesn't shape up the way Madden thinks it will.