Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my heart. Maybe that is how the song should have gone. Words do hurt. We love ourselves; we think we are so great! When someone does not agree with us or says something that contradicts my opinion of ME, it hurts.
Loving ourselves is not always easy. We can be hard on ourselves.
Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Do I make my loved ones proud? Am I good wife, a good mom, a good cook? What could I be doing differently? We question out intelligence, our looks, and our capabilities.
Our toughest critic will always be that voice in our head, but somehow, we manage to do it. We learn to accept our flaws and weaknesses, but more importantly, we learn to love our talents and strengths.
Then it happens, someone has to come along and say something that makes me question ME.
Usually, when an outsider gives us feedback or says something to us we can look at it as constructive criticism. We can continue a conversation with them and reevaluate our situation or ourselves but have you noticed that it is not always the case in marriage?
After being in a relationship, and spending so much time with the same person, we expect them to love us for us. So when they express something that they are not happy with about us, we sometimes get argumentative, angry and offended.
There are many times when my husband will tell me things that I do not like to hear, and even though I want to get mad (and stay mad,) I do not. I know that he needs to express his feelings and usually it is necessary, because sometimes I need a reality check! And yes, the same goes for him.
Sometimes things need to be said.
In order to have a healthy relationship, we need to be able to communicate our feelings. However, I have learned that sometimes it is not what we are communicating, but how we communicate it, that makes all the difference in the world!
We are with our spouse day in and day out. We get comfortable. Sometimes, we say things we do not mean, or perhaps we mean them but they should not be said at all. Sometimes we say things that need to be said, but we do it in a way that attacks or puts blame on the other person.
Instead of saying things like, “You never do anything that I like. You don’t spend enough time with me. You, you, you…) We should try saying, “Can we do something I like this weekend? I would like us to spend more time together. I feel overwhelmed lately, and would really appreciate more help around the house. I, I, I…)
It is so important for us to think before we speak. We do not like when people talk to us critically, and so the best thing to do for our marriage is to lead by example. I try to think… if he said this to me would I be offended? Is this issue something that needs to be addressed or am I just grumpy because I did not get enough sleep?
If you feel you must say something, choose your words carefully and if you slip up and it ends up sounding rude or offensive, apologize. I can’t even tell you how many times I have said "I'm sorry" or sent my husband apologetic texts. Sometimes when dealing with parenting issues or other things, I get frustrated and let it affect my mood with him and later after I have thought about it, I apologize. There is no room in marriage for pride.
It is amazing how happy we are when there aren’t hundreds of little negative statements floating around the house and even happier when neither of us is holding a grudge. Communication is essential for a healthy marriage, but in order for the communication to be effective, let us choose our words with care.
Today, I am linking up with Julie at Marriage Mondays
Today, I am linking up with Julie at Marriage Mondays
***********************************************
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits…” M. Gandhi
Be compassionate and courteous. Don't seek revenge… Speak kindly… Peter 3: 8-11
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:4-5).
The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. ~Author Unknown
