Between You and Me

If your brother sins against you,
Go and show him his fault,

Just between the two of you.

If he listens to you,

You have won your brother over.

Matthew 18:15, NIV

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I love this verse.

There are so many verses in the bible

That simply tell us,

How to live.

How to handle things.

How to solve every day problems.

Correctly.

Responsibly.

Lovingly.

This specific verse reminds us

that we do not have to overlook

Or ignore a problem that hurts us,

And that it is okay to confront an issue,

But that we are to do so

In a private

And respectful way.

 

Image by the Black Dahlia

 Yes.

God intended for us to live an

Honest,

Hardworking,

Quiet,

Compassionate,

Grateful life,

Respectfully!

Yet, when I look around,

I can’t help but to see that we live in a world

That does not seem to know the definition of couth.

We see spouses who can’t get into an argument

Without letting their entire family hear about their hurts.

We see reality shows 
Full of people who find it acceptable to curse and yell

At each other publicly when they are angry.

We witness friends and families

Who when they have disagreements,

Use social media

To put their loved ones on blast.

However, this is not God's way...

God’s way

Is

When we

Treat each other with love.

...confronting each other privately,

 ...and forgiving each other willingly.

When we truly value the relationship

We have with someone,

We do not address issues,

To prove our how perfect we are,

Or to win an argument…

We confront issues to help and to heal people.

Our intentions should be to solve a problem,

To prevent a “wrong” from happening again,

To help a loved one who is making hurtful choices,

Or to try to heal a damaged relationship.

We can’t repair a hurting relationship,

By causing more hurt.

By posting about our anger on Facebook.

By getting our children involved in our disputes.

By gossiping

And by openly disrespecting each other.

Confronting the issues privately,

Is not a promise that the problems will be resolved.

We cannot determine how another person will react,

This is why He says,

“If He listens to you,

You have won your brother over.”

We cannot control our “brothers”

Our friends, children, coworkers and spouses,

However, we can control our own behavior.

We choose our character.

We can practice

Compassion,

Honesty

Love,

And

Peace.

And one of the ways that we can do this

Is by learning to apply

Matthew 18:15

To our daily lives.

He has taught me that the best way

To maintain

  Loving and respectful

Relationships

Is to

Confront each other quietly

and

Love each other loudly.

Agree to Disagree

My husband and I had a disagreement a few months into our marriage. So minor in fact, that I do not even remember what it was about. I do remember that I stayed in another room for about 20 minutes. I chose to be angry and to stay hurt. It is true. I was fully aware that I made the choice to stay mad. Our emotions do not control us, we control them. Staying angry is a choice that we make. After 20 minutes of thinking, I began emptying the dishwasher. As he passed through the kitchen, we both looked up at each other. I knew that we were both being stubborn, so I smiled. He smiled back, walked over, and hugged me. We apologized and agreed that we should not let our stubbornness get in the way next time.

Any relationship is bound to have arguments. They can be unavoidable at times. Finances, stress, lack of sleep, children, and so many other issues can affect our dispositions. However, minor disagreements can often create future problems in the relationship, because one person chooses to harbor negative feelings. I have seen couples argue about what to do on a Friday night and then ignore each other for days. It is crazy, but it happens. Holding on to anger only results in unnecessary pain, and anger is bad for the body! Speak your mind, then agree to disagree. Life is easier when we allow little disagreements to blow over.