Choosing Love and Forgiveness

A few nights ago, I was pretty tired and grumpy with my husband just before bed.

I knew the grumpy words exchanged before we went to sleep were my fault, so when I woke up in the middle of the night I left a sappy note on his sink. 

 It led to his usual kiss on the forehead before he left for work.

 

Then, later that morning I text him.

ME:   Truth - Sorry, I took my mood out on you. Have a good day.

HIM:  Dare - I dare to love you through every annoying time and fantastic time. Hehe, love you!!!

  ME:  LOL! I Double Dare you baybay!

...from there we sent a few jokes back and forth and it ended with...

 

HIM: LOL! I love you!!!!

   

Funny isn’t it? 

How silly little things, like being tired can affect our mood with each other and how we have the option to let those little things turn into BIG things or to swallow our pride and resolve the issues immediately.

When it comes to our relationships, we can choose pride, stubbornness and anger, or we can choose love.

It takes something as simple as one person choosing to apologize and acknowledge when they are at fault, and the other person choosing to forgive, instead of holding onto a grudge.

Truth: My marriage is not a perfect marriage, but because of the lack of stubbornness, the willingness to apologize, the ability to be silly with each other, it sometimes feels like we are close!

It is flawed, but it is also forgiving.

 
It is fallible, but it is also uplifting.

  

Our Father gives us the knowledge we need and the ability to do the right thing when it comes to making choices that will foster healthy, happy relationships.

  Our relationships will never be perfect, because as people we are not perfect.

However, our relationships can be filled with so much happiness and love.

When we work towards learning to love each other as the Lord desires us to, it becomes a habit to focus on the positive qualities of others and to cover their flaws with acceptance!

Christ has taught us to keep forgiveness in our heart at all costs.

We were made to love each other.

It’s an expectation that may not always be easy as easy as we'd like, but how fortunate we are to have the opportunity to love and be loved. 

An Intentional Life? Check!

Intentional.

deliberate - willful - purposeful - intended

My plan is to live with intention.

Intentionally for Christ.

Intentionally for my family.

Intentionally for myself.

An intentional life takes work, but the reward is ever so great!

It starts with making small tweaks,

that lead to big changes.

For instance, today was my 17th hike.

Regular exercise!

I have made the effort to put on tennis shoes,

every morning for the last 17 days!

Even when my legs feel sore. 

Even when I have other things to do.

Even when I want to make excuses.

I drop the kids off to school and instead of driving home,

since I am dressed for the mountain, I go.

On the weekends, and days when I have other obligations,

I set my alarm clock earlier, make myself get up

and get my hike out of the way!

It has worked.

Fitness progress? ...Check!

Another small tweak,

in my hiking pack I keep headphones.

That way each day,

I can focus on personal growth.

Faith.

I find a new updated seminar/recording.

I listen to all of my favorites.

Joel Osteen, Chuck Swindoll, Joyce Meyer...

And I attend Bible Study once a week.

At the most recent lecture, I wrote this down:

"God's grace provides us these three things:

The Grace to Give.

The Grace to Fight.

The Grace to Grow."

Do I give generously and cheerfully?

Do I "live" beyond my means, or "give" beyond my means?

Am I (are we) spending money on necessities rather than wants?

Am I grateful for the blessings in my life?

Am I teaching my children to be grateful and generous?

Do I give of my time and myself?

Do I rely on Him and the Word more than anything else?

Do I pray as often as I should?

Am I consciously learning from my mistakes?

Most importantly, does my life reflect my beliefs?

Progress? Check!

Today I heard this on my hike,

"Marriage is not about finding the right person,

it is about being the right person."

Have I been intentional in this regard?

Marriage.

Do I meet my husband's needs?

It's easy to give him love and encouragement when things are great,

but do I show him how much I love him when things are not?

Do I give him advice and encouragement on things that benefit him,

even if it doesn't benefit me?

Do I go out of my way for him?

Do I show appreciation for his hard work?

Do I have ((ridiculous or reasonable)) expectations for him?

Do I have those same expectations for myself?

Do I genuinely care about his happiness more than my own?

Do I compliment more than I criticize?

Do I smile more than I frown?

Do I fill the fridge with his favorites?

Do I cook for him?

Am I distracted by other things or am I attentive and put him first?

Do I encourage his relationships with his family and friends?

Do I encourage his hobbies and interests?

Do I do things to serve him/lighten his load?
(like the laundry or ironing?)

Do I listen?
Have I been at home spending quality time with him?

Progress? I think so (I hope so!)... Check!

I also heard the pastor say,

"A Christian home should be beautiful.

It should reflect how much you care for your family."

Homemaking.

Does my home say that love lives here?

That my family spends lots of time together?

That I value my husband and children?

Are there family pictures on the wall?

Is my house clean?

Is the pantry and fridge stocked with food,

so that I can prepare meals for the week?

Is there an unfinished puzzle on the table, is the Bible easily accessible,

and is there a fruit bowl on the counter?

Does my home say that I care about my family members 

mental, physical and spiritual health?

Are there signs that my family enjoys each others company?

Are there calendars marked with appointments, lesson plans,

and chore lists hung up?

Do I keep things organized, routine and on schedule to provide 

accountability and stability?

Progress? Check!

An intentional life? Check!

The Birds & the The Bees

Today as I stepped out to hang up the wreath I made yesterday,

it just felt so good outside!

Spring is definitely in the air!

It reminded me of a song we used to sing along to

when we were younger...

Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees

and the flowers and the trees

and the moon up above

and a thing called love.

I have heard several things about Spring Fever.

One is that Spring Fever causes people to be lazy.

This must be why we are given Spring Beak! :)

The other is that Spring Fever can also cause excitement.

Causing lovers to want to "run away mad with each other."

Cute.

It just so happened that I fell in love with my honey in the Spring.

Then we got married the following Spring!

   

Speaking of the birds and the bees...

  

Our marriages are so important and romance plays a huge role

in keeping our relationships healthy.

Intimacy nurtures the bond that we have and brings us closer together.

Romance is the most inexpensive, and most necessary gift

we can give to our spouse.

I say we all put the kids to bed early and light some candles.

Happy Romancing!

Marriage Maintenance

A few days ago as I was sitting in the school’s parking lot our truck suddenly started shaking and the check engine light came on. I quickly dropped the kids off and headed home to tell my husband what was happening.

It was a short distance, but it felt like forever. The car felt like it was stalling and even though I was pushing on the gas pedal it was driving slower than usual. 

It is a funny thing about those vehicles, when they need attention, they need attention. However, it is not an occasional thing. Vehicles need constant maintenance. It turned out that a part had gone bad and it needed to be replaced. Without that specific part, that one component, our truck would stop working altogether.

When we keep up with the simple things like oil changes, tire rotations and even putting gas in the car, we help to prevent much bigger issues later, like blowing a head gasket, a tire, or running out of fuel on the highway!

Marriages require constant maintenance too.

Maintenance: actions performed to keep a machine or system functioning or in service

Communication, working together, doing kind things for each other, being honest and considerate in all circumstances helps keep the marriage working properly.

Different components are needed in a relationship to ensure that it is running “smoothly,” and if we neglect the routine maintenance, those components will suffer because of it.

Respect, love, compassion, commitment, romance, Christ…

Our marriages require these.

My husband and I have not had much time for each other, since both of the girls have been sick. The kids have needed most of our attention and even in the evening when we usually wind down together, we had not been able to. Our little sickies had us sleeping apart the last few nights.

Because of this and few other things going on at home, we have been tired, stressed and little irritable.

Yesterday, while the vehicle was at the dealership getting work done, my husband worked from home. When I got back from the field trip, I drove him to the dealership to pick up the truck. On the way back, as I was following behind him he kept looking in his driver side mirror acting like he was a stranger flirting with me.

He raised his eyebrows, put his hand to his ear, and acted as if he was telling me to call him. I have had him do this to me dozens of times, but it never gets old. He makes me laugh and I love that he flirts with me and takes the time to romance me.

A little romance was definitely needed after the week we have had. Although, a little romance is always needed and appreciated!

After we had gone to bed, I heard a knock on the door, and I laid there for a minute. I had started feeling a little sick a few hours before and did not want to get out of bed. It was the 6th night in a row that our sleep was interrupted because the girls woke up not feeling well, and to be honest, I was completely exhausted.

After a second knock, my husband did not budge. I know he hears it, because the brat groans a little when his sleep is disturbed. So, I got up anyway. I am always the one to get up and tend to the kids in the middle of the night.

Respect.

It is maintenance. I choose to be respectful of the fact that he has to get up earlier than us and head to work. He has a tough job and he needs sleep and a clear head to do what he does during the day.

There are marriages where the women feel they “make their men carry their weight” by asking him to wake up and care for the kids at night, because they are up with them all day. There are also other families where both the mother and the father work outside of the home and so the parents take turns.

We each do what works for us. However, even when I was working full-time I didn't take that route. I've always considered homemaking as my job and caring for the children as part of that. 

When Jocelyn was a baby, I would wake up with her and carry her to the rocker in the living room to soothe her to sleep so that my husband could get enough rest for work.

These days I do the same thing. When the kids wake, I wake with them. He could. I could nudge him and say ‘hey, I haven’t had a full nights rest in a week and I could use it’, and I am sure he would help, but I choose not to. He works out of the home and I work in the home, and I feel this comes with the territory. 

After reading a post on The 5 C's of a Successful Marriage, I was reminded that Compassion is one of the components needed in a marriage. It reminded me of something else I have recently started doing for my husband, and I must say, I am very proud of myself, because I really do not enjoy it at all! I have started ironing my husband’s work clothes before I hang them up. I have never done that. I wash, fold, and hang, but I used to only iron before I was about to wear something.

However, my husband really dislikes ironing before he heads out to work. So I have decided to save him some time and iron the pants and shirts that come out of the drier wrinkly for him before I hang them up. I feel good about it too, because I am doing a little something to make the man I love's life a little easier. It is a gift.

I believe that the role that the woman plays in the marriage is so important and that even the smallest, most mundane task, matters.

It may sound a little old fashioned, but I am okay with that!

Our marriage takes priority and we both do our part in this marriage. My husband does so much for our family and so these are a few of the small things that I do for ‘us.’ 

Marriage is a give and take. It is a “system” that needs routine maintenance to keep it in good shape and I am happy to do my part.

This post will be linked with Marriage Mondays.

Also, one of my previous posts,  Unexpected Tears  can also be

found at  My Crazy Adoption today!  

...For that I Thank You (Marriage Mondays)

Dearest Matthew,

If I have not told you lately, let me remind you, that you, my love, are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

The day that we became a couple, the world was transformed into a great big ball of happiness.

My life became more beautiful, and no, it is not cliché. It is a fact.

If anyone were to look back through the archives of my life, they would see that it has changed tremendously.

The sun shines a little brighter. The world seems a little nicer. The grass is a little greener. Music sounds a little sweeter. Smiles come a little easier. Days seem a little shorter.

At the end of each day, as we lay in bed, I never want to go to sleep, because I know that the next morning when I wake up you will be gone. Yes, you will only be at work, but I miss you!

You have been my best friend for three years now, and I cannot even tell you how much you have changed my life. Although, something tells me that you know, and yet, you say not a thing.

Instead, you continue to make me feel as if I am the one. As if I, have changed your life.

When you smile, I can hear the words you have shared with me many times. And I know, deep down to the depths of my soul, that you love me, still.  

When you hug me, I can feel your strength. When things get tough, for us, or our family, you just grin and bear it, for all of us. You hold me, as if you are trying to shield me from the world, and the truth is that you do.

When you touch me, I can feel the tenderness. Like, I am a valuable treasure that you handle with care, as not to break it. You remind me that I am worthy. I know that my words matters, my opinions count, my feelings take priority and my heart comes first.

When you come home from work, my day is complete. It does not matter what we are doing, where we are going, or what we have been through. All that matters is that at the end of the day we have each other.

That I have you. That you have me.

We make this marriage work.

But more than that.

This marriage has never felt like work. Not once.

I truly believe that our hearts were meant for each other.

I do not know what the future holds for us, but I know that
I have never been happier than I am at this very moment.

So for that,

I thank you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love,

Me

Togetherness, A Guest Post & A Giveaway

This weekend my hubby had to work out of town and since it was a road trip, and an off weekend with our kids, I was able to tag along.

It is always nice to have a few days filled with...options.  

During the two days that my husband was away at work and I was alone, I found time to write, use the motel gym, read, browse a few stores across the street and I even took a nap!

Although, I must admit, all I really wanted was my family.

I had time to do whatever I wanted and to spend some 'me' time, but I felt like I spent most of my time waiting.

It is funny, because a few years ago, I had a ton of 'me' time.

Now whenever I get it, I spend most of my time looking forward to 'us' time.

When my husband finally got back, I was thrilled!

The first night, we ended up staying in and relaxing in the hot tub, and the second night we met some friends out for dinner.

Then, yesterday we headed home.

Little getaways are always nice, especially in a marriage.

We get a change of scenery and a little extra time to focus on each other.

I absolutely enjoy every minute I get to spend with my hubby, and I appreciate the quiet times too, but I am just so happy to have my family back together.

On our way in, we picked up the kids, greeted our little dog, spent the afternoon cleaning out the garage, caught the end of the game and went for a walk.

It was not quite as relaxing as the day before, it was better.

 We were together.

After I had some help with dinner, I said, "Having daughters is awesome!"

Our daughter Trinity said, "I know, what would you do without me?"

Then she mentioned that I "would have to hang around dad all the time."

I had to laugh, because I know what I do without my family.

I spend a whole lot of time missing them, loving them and praying for them.

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Today, I have a guest post at My Crazy Adoption. Please head over and check it out. If you have a moment to peruse, please do so, I promise you will love this site!

We still have a few days left for my giveaway, so click here to enter to win if you have not already!

Today, I am linking up at Marriage Mondays.

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May your day be filled with lots of togetherness!

Project 31: Be-YOU-tiful

Today is Day 8 for Project 31:

Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!

I have mentioned in the past that I like all things girly (and artsy). I love loud colors with black, A-line dresses, chunky earrings, and shoes that have some flair. My face makeup is pretty minimal, but I usually play up my eyes. They are my favorite feature and have become my focal point. (That's a beauty tip I learned, after my sis-in-law Nancy kept encouraging it.)

I believe in silliness, without it life would be pretty dull. I have been told for years that my laugh is loud and that everyone knows when I am home, because they hear me laughing. A while back my stepdaughter gave me card that said I always have a smile on my face. I don't know about "always" but it felt good to hear, because I try to be happy even on the "gray" days. I know that my my expression, is the most important thing I wear!

I try to get "pretty" every day, even on the weekdays when I am just home cleaning house and doing laundry, I'll add lip gloss and a spray of perfume before my hubby gets home. When I look good, I feel good. I try to keep the romance alive in our relationship and I feel like a beauty routine even on the days that nothing is going on is important.

True beauty is confidence! It's loving the skin that you are in...no matter what people think. I snapped this pic yesterday (after my hubby teased me about my hair.) This is me, with my hair natural. It's a little wavy, but mostly frizzy. I'm working on loving me for me and the 'not caring part', because natural is beautiful and so much easier! 

• Another, part of my beauty routine is being in a clean environment. I cannot relax or enjoy myself in a dusty, cluttered living space. The only thing in the house that I will allow to have stuff pile up on, occasionally, is our desks. I like a clean house with a fresh smell. It makes no sense to clean and decorate my body, and then to live in a dirty house. That friends, is my opinion of a "don't".

Last but not at all least, is the old adage, "True beauty comes from within. It's an oldie, but a goody! If you aren't beautiful on the inside, ain't no makeup gonna cover that! I Peter 3:3-4 says, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 

Any thoughts on beauty that you would like to share? As always, I'd love to hear them!

 

 

Marriage Mondays: He Calls the Shots

When we know love matters more than anything, and we know that nothing else really matters, we move into the state of surrender. Surrender does not diminish our power, it enhances it.

~Sara Paddison

I never really thought that I was the submissive type.

I was the oldest of six children.

I was a college grad, studious, opinionated and independent.

For a while, I was a single mom figuring things out on my own, doing everything that needed to be done for my daughter and myself.

Then everything changed.

I fell in love and got married.

Before I knew it, I got over the fear of losing myself in a relationship and I realized that by letting go, I actually found a part of myself that I never knew existed.

The Me that enjoys trusting my spouse with my heart, my future, my family, my life.

The Me that realizes that even if life gets a little sideways, temporarily falls off track, or if we end up in an unexpected situation, we will be okay.

After all, all we really need is our faith and each other and we already have that.

I have whole-heartedly surrendered.

I have faith that my husband will lead our family the best way he knows how, and he has faith that I will be there to support him every step of the way.

It does not mean that my opinions or feelings do not matter, because the truth is that we talk about everything beforehand.

When moments do come up that we do not see eye to eye or if he happens to think I get disagreeable, he straight out tells me, “Submit woman!” I laugh thinking about it!  ~ It’s only funny to us, because we both know that I like to be disagreeable on purpose at times, however, in the end he has the final say.

My role as his wife is to let him know that I trust his decisions and to pray for the outcome.

He calls the shots. I call on God.

Ephesians 5:21 -25

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

Are You Waiting on a Hero?

A few days ago, I posted a link from Focus on the Family. Where Dr. Juli Slattery asks, Is There a Hero in Your Husband? I absolutely love what she has to say about women and what we can do for our husbands and our marriage.

As my week went on, and I spoke with a few friends, I began thinking about Heroes.

Most women love a good romance. In fact, we all begin as young girls in love with fairytales. We love the idea of getting swept off our feet and finding ourselves lost in love. The perfect example of how young that dream starts would be my seven-year-old daughter, who has adored the Disney Princesses for most of her life. She is obsessed with those little princesses that all have one thing in common; they were all damsels in distress that were saved by men, their princes, their heroes.

A hero, “a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities." Who doesn't want to be saved by a hero? What woman at some time in her life hasn't fantasized about a man who would come and wrap his arms around her and be her hero? Her knight in shining armor that would comfort her when she was sick, tired, afraid, hurt or just lonely. We all desire to be loved and protected at all costs.  

Some of us believe we have found him. A man that loves us and makes us feel like he truly is our protector. However, for many, a hero has yet to come. Many may have thought that they had found their hero only to be betrayed, hurt or abandoned. Left, only to realize that he was not the man he said he was or the hero she thought him to be. Others have been waiting to find him for years, their whole life even. Waiting for some man to come, change her life, love her unconditionally and give her everything that she felt she was lacking.

If you are one of those women who is waiting for your Hero, I am reminding you that your Hero has already arrived. He loved you so much he came especially to save you! Maybe you did not notice, because you did not feel his arms wrapped around you, but he did something even more amazing than that, He wrapped his whole existence around you!

Let Jesus be your Hero.

Your Savior. Your Healer. Your Protector.

There will be many times that us women will feel weak and in need of a hero, but we must always remember that we already have a heavenly one! One who has promised us many things.

“Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” Luke 6:21

Life can be messy. Sometimes it hurts. What can we do about it? Pray! …full disclosure, because our Hero is listening. Whatever it is, that is causing us distress at this very moment, He will be there to listen and bring us peace. God has a plan for each of us. Sometimes His timing does not coincide with our plans, but He has not forgotten you. Everything will fall into place!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5

On the very first Christmas that my husband spent with me and my family, he read from the book of Matthew at our reading. The words that meant the most to me were, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you…”

My entire life, I longed for a special kind of love, a hero, but I never fully recognized the Hero that stood before me. Now I do.

Today, I am linking up with Julie at Marriage Mondays

Is There a Hero in Your Husband?

Today, I wanted to share a link from Focus on the Family that I found to be so inspiring and interesting. You will definitely want to take the time to listen to this clip.

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it can also be difficult at times. There are things we can do to make our marriages easier and our homes more peaceful. The first thing we can do is focus on our own attitude. 

Dr. Juli Slattery reminds us of Proverbs 14:1, "The wise woman builds her home, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."

A few days ago, when I came home to a very frustrated and angry husband, because of our dog incident, I had two thoughts. One was to let his anger affect my mood and get angry right back. The other was to stay calm, sympathize and appreciate him. I do not always make the right choice, but this time I did! I listened, let him cool off and then a few minutes later, laid on the couch with him and told him I was sorry it happened. I have learned that if I keep "happy, peaceful thoughts" in mind, it is more likely that I will continue to be a supporter, encourager and peacemaker. When I choose to love him and let things blow over, it does not take very long for the mood to subside and we end up having a peaceful night.

What is your tone? How do you react when your husband is in a bad mood? Do you sympathize with what the cause could be? Are you your husband’s encourager? Or do you get angry too?

This clip also reminds us how we have the power to build our husbands up. Dr. Juli Slattery says, "Every woman is painting a picture of her husband." ...to her family, her friends, to her community and to her children. She asks, "Are you painting a hero?"

Click here to listen: Is There a Hero in Your Husband?

Plans That Didn't Work Out & Other Blessings

This weekend, my husband and I were planning a slumber party for our daughter Trinity’s birthday. On Friday, I went to the store for the food and gifts, prepared the ornament crafts and put the candy bags together. Jocelyn and I stayed up late drinking hot cocoa, listening to Christmas music and wrapping individual smores for the party. 

A few hours after going to bed on Friday, I woke up feeling terrible. On Saturday, my hubby and Jocelyn completed the remaining chores for me. They cleaned up the kitchen, baked the cupcakes and helped me decorate when I finally made it out of bed. I knew that I wasn't going to be much help, but I was hopeful that we would still be able to pull it off! Unfortunately, a few hours later my husband started feeling just as sick. We decided to cancel the slumber party. We knew that there was no way we could care for, feed and hike the mountain with ten girls!

We managed to pick Trinity up and drive over to my parents' house to sing to Happy Birthday to both dad and Trinity. My husband didn't make it and slept in one of the bedrooms during the dinner and gift opening, and I barely moved from my spot on the sofa. The girls did get invited to spend the night at their cousins’ house so things still worked

out for them.

Yesterday, while my husband finished up some of the chores, I was thinking about how lucky I am.  I have a husband who willingly picks up where I leave off. Had he not gotten sick, he would have been happy to assume all responsibilities for the party and would have gladly taken the girls on the hike alone the next day.

I knew how disappointed our daughters and nieces were going to be when they found out the the party was canceled. Then a few hours later, I felt so blessed,  because my brother Ernie and sis-in-law Vanessa offered to take our girls home so that they could still have a fun night.

When I picked the girls up they were tired, but were happily  sharing stories about the fun they had. The best part is that in four days they will get to have that fun all over again on Thanksgiving. A holiday that is designed for families to come together to focus on their blessings. However, if we are wise, we are grateful for these things everyday, all year long!

It was raining just before I left to pick the girls up and on my way I came across a rainbow. Rainbows are my absolute favorite miracle! I never get tired of sharing the fact that years ago, I went through the end of one with my grandma. Because of that experience, I always look at the rainbow as a very spiritual reminder of how blessed I am.

It is not hard to find blessings. In moments of sickness when nothing seems to go as planned, we can find them. During the months that we are scrambling to pay the bills, we can find them. When we are having relationship difficulties with spouses or other family members, we can find them. 

Plans do "have a way of falling down in midflight" and life doesn't always work out exactly the way we hope, but it does work out. Whenever I am in need of a reminder to show me just how blessed I am, I don't have to look very hard to find one. In fact, most days I just open my eyes and one is laying next to me in bed.   

Today I am linking up with Julie for Marriage Mondays.