ESPN's AJ Mass Has No Idea What He's Talking About

That completely asinine blurb appears in ESPN.com's recent 2011 Fantasy Baseball Sleepers, Busts article. I don't know if AJ Mass just mailed this one in or what, but he couldn't be any further from the truth. I'm not even looking at this from a fantasy baseball perspective - it's just all wrong from a general baseball aspect.

I try to not get on anyone for stating their opinion, but it's tough when they're basically inventing a reason like this. The reason Hamels has been a .500 pitcher over the last two seasons has nothing to do with the execution of his curveball being "few and far between". Wins are a fickle stat and not entirely indicative of how well a pitcher is performing. Plain and simple, Hamels got no run support last year. He struck out over 200 guys with an ERA of 3.06 for Christ’s sake. If he even gets a little more run support, he's easily a 15 win pitcher. In fact, according to Fangraphs, Hamels only threw his curve 8% of the time last year due to the introduction of his cutter. The debut of that cutter helped keep hitters off balance and only helped make his fastball, curve, and changeup (his true “out pitch”) more effective.

Anyway, it's predictions like these that just annoy me and make me wish AJ Mass was in my fantasy league. If you're looking for some really exceptional fantasy baseball advice, do yourself a favor and go to Razzball.com. Best fantasy blog on the interwebs. You can thank me later.

What the F*ck is the Internet?

And here is a video of Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel trying to figure out what the internet is. What's greater: Gumbel's indifference to a medium that would soon revolutionize the way the earth does EVERYTHING, or Katie Couric's giant wave Jonathan Taylor Thomas haircut?

Gotta go with the JTT cut. There are low-income lesbians who won't even fuck with that look.

MMM HMMM.


h/t dlisted

Matt Mosley Will Write Something Useful At Some Point

Thanks Matt Mosley; that was extremely helpful. I wasn't certain they'd go after a defensive coordinator, but luckily your crack reporting has quelled all our speculation. Sure, as far as I know, nobody actually likes you. But that doesn't stop you from getting answers to the tough questions. We all appreciate you taking the time to update ESPN's NFC East blog with this bombshell. I know you had to get cracking on that next Cowboys post.

[ESPN]

Glen Beck: "Philadelphia Sucks"

Also said "Philadelphia is not a place you want to be." I could probably write several thousand words on how I feel about this, but I'll keep it to four.

Fuck you, Glen Beck.



h/t Philebrity via MediaMatters

Proof: Sports Writing is Crazy Easy

h/t philly.com

We Can Separate Sports from Reality, Thank You

We try to stay away from most things political here at TheWizWit.  We're here for your sports related entertainment and don't want to alienate any of our readers who may be gun-loving Tea Party racists or freedom-hating Socialist hippies.  You're not going to see us delve too much into that realm - unless an elected official makes an ass of himself by throwing like a 13 year old girl during the ceremonial first pitch of a baseball game.  Or we feel like criticizing something Ed Rendell says about the Eagles.  Both are entirely possible.

Where was I?  Oh yeah -- President Obama recently attended a rally at Philadelphia's Vernon Park.  During the rally, an unidentified man threw a book from the crowd.  The picture above is a screen grab of the moment where you can see the book in mid-air behind Obama's head.  There was no further altercation and the Secret Service determined the man meant no harm and released him after questioning. 

Our issue comes with the last paragraph of Brett Michael Dykes post on The Upshot, a Yahoo! News Blog:

"Many originally thought that the book-hurler was acting out of anger, much like the infamous Iraqi reporter who hurled a shoe at then-President George W. Bush. But high spirits often get out of hand in Philadelphia. This, after all, is a city whose residents are famous for booing Santa Claus. By those civic standards, a streaker and a text missile in the vicinity of the president's head make for a pretty serene day."

Are you kidding me?  Did you really go there with this?  Never mind the tired example of the Santa Claus incident or the fact that sports fans of any kind are completely unrelated to this book-throwing incident.  In a matter of a few sentences, Dykes implies Philadelphians treat entertainers the same way we treat the leader of the free world.  He might as well keep going with the sensationalism and end the article with a line reading, "Philadelphians are out of control psychopaths who cannot tell the difference between sports and the real world." 

A book getting tossed toward the President could happen ANYWHERE -- not just in Philly.  Unless the guy shouted the E-A-G-L-E-S chant then hit Obama in the head with The Eagles Encyclopedia, there's absolutely no reason to lower yourself to taking a shot at the local sports fan base.  Brett Michael, comparing Philadelphia sports fans to rogue Iraqi reporters just makes you look ill-informed and petty.

The Upshot is a blog, and as a part of Yahoo! News I suppose Dykes is still entitled to make assertions and form opinions like any other blogger.  It would just make more sense for him to think twice before stretching for a correlation that ends up coming off more asinine than funny.



[BGN FanShots]

Get Your Stalker On: TheWizWit Mike Vick Email Apocalypse

To the left is this morning's cover of the Daily News, in all its painfully titled glory.  The fact that every media outlets' go-to line is something pet related has begun to irritate the crap out of me.  I sent an email to my two cohorts here at TheWizWit this morning expressing my disgust as I tried to get a confirmation that I'm not crazy and heartless for thinking the way I do.


After the jump, you can view the entire email chain.  Nothing was changed for the sake of this post (besides cleaning up spelling) and the email wasn't originally intended for us to publish.  But alas, good points were made and the public deserves to know, dammit!  So do your best Larry Mendte impersonation and get a candid look at my inbox from this morning.







From: chris
To: Wetz; maurice 
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2010 08:56:43 -0500
Subject:

Am I wrong for wondering why people can’t keep Vick 'the football player' and Vick 'the man' separate? I honestly don’t understand it. Like the Daily News cover today with the classy ‘Top Dog’ headline. Am I in the wrong to not still hold him accountable of his actions that he’s PAID HIS TIME FOR?  It just seems crazy to say and un-American to keep vilifying him. People don’t have to like Vick the person, but you’re watching football for entertainment. Let yourself be entertained. If Braveheart comes on, I’m still going to watch it even though Mel Gibson is crazy, racist, and hits women and children. I’m still going to enjoy the shit out of Michael Jackson’s music, but I wouldn’t have let him watch my kids. I just think people need to set the two apart.  The entertainer and the human should be kept separate and it kind of pisses me off that the media (and quite a few average citizens) don't. I’m just tired of the tongue in cheek headlines and awful canine references. Big Ben rapes women in bathroom stalls and that seems ho-hum compared the headlines Vick continues to get.  I dunno… what do u think? Am I the one who’s crazy here?

---------------------------

From: Wetz
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2010 09:29 AM
To: chris; maurice 
Subject: RE:

I think it's just the same old tired act of the lazy American media. They play to people emotions, and people don't like what Vick did. Silly headlines like that get attention and keep people interested, even if the story is always the same. I agree with you completely, I hate what Vick did cause I love animals and hate bad humans, but I'm still going to root for him as an Eagles player. But most people don't care, they just want him to fail cause of the brutality he showed to dogs. I can't fault people for that, but it does get a little tired when people won't shut up about it. It just seems that people enjoy being vocal about their disapproval of Vick.  I know what he did was terrible, but he paid his price to society. Move on and just watch football.

Another thing that is annoying me...why do people believe Andy Reid sometimes but not others? I've read so many stories this morning about how people hate this move, because it's stunting Kolb's growth and shows the lack of a plan. There is no way Andy Reid or Joe Banner thought Vick would ever look this good again. They signed him as a cheap investment...if he gets good again we'll use him, if not, what's a few million bucks? Well, Vick looks good. The offensive line is awful. And Kolb just doesn't seem comfortable AND is coming off a concussion. Just cause Andy says this doesn't have anything to do with the o-line, or Kolb's concussion, or Kolb's lack of an arm, doesn't mean it doesn't. It does. All of that, combined with Vick playing very well so far, made this a move Andy just wants to try. People always hate on Andy cause he never folds and takes a chance, cause he is set in his ways and always sticks to "his plan." Well, he's going off script now, which I applaud. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see Kevin Kolb sucks balls. Andy is probably realizing that he'd rather take a chance with Vick over going down in flames with Kolb. Sounds like a good idea to me. Fuck the "future"... I want to win now. Vick gives the Eagles the best chance to do that. (Now it might be true that the Eagles should have just kept McNabb, but that's neither here nor there.)

---------------------------

From: chris
To: Wetz; maurice 
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2010 09:37:54 -0500
Subject: RE: RE:

I couldn’t agree more. There was maybe a 10% chance Vick regained his abilities to the point where he was when he went to prison. They paid $2M to take the chance on him becoming what he was. Why else do people think they did that?  Vick was never just QB #3. 

Well it sure looks like those abilities are back, and if that’s true, how can you fault them for starting a player who was a top QB in the league before he went away? Granted, he’s not ‘conventional’ but he won a lot of games and his athletic abilities fit this offense (as it’s currently constructed) better than Kolb's. It’s as simple as that.

I hate that I've heard people say, “so the Eagles will now make the playoffs and be bounced in the first round". That thought process is so incredibly flawed. If Vick is the difference of 10-6 and 8-8, then you do it so you make the playoffs. Everyone should know by now that playoff success hinges greatly on momentum and how things a ‘clicking’ in December. For someone to make the call right now they’ll get bounced in the 1st round is completely baseless.

---------------------------

From: Wetz
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2010 11:21 AM
To: chris; maurice 
Subject: RE:

Yep. If you can make the playoffs, you go for it. You don't take "development" or "rebuilding" over a legit shot to make the playoffs. Are the Eagles a championship team? The answer is no. But the Cardinals sure weren't in 2008 and neither were the Jets last year. But they got to the playoffs by the skin of their teeth and then made a run. It's always worth the chance.

In the end, I can't see any negative coming from riding this Vick thing out. If he ends up sucking in a few weeks, oh well. Kolb isn't going to do any better behind an O-line that couldn't block Betty White. It's almost irresponsible to put Kolb behind this craptacular line. If nothing else, they'll sure be more fun to watch over the next three months. Sometimes you just gotta ride the hot hand. Kolb may be good down the line, but if we've waited this long for him, what's another few months?

(Plus, as I've always said, Kevin Kolb blows. No good QB ever came from Houston. Ever. Andy Reid is wrong on Kolb. Always will be. It's ok to admit when you're wrong. Maybe he's doing that now. Thank god. Vick might not be the answer, but Kolb never was. And someone tell John Clayton to shut up and stop looking so ugly. Seriously, the guy shouldn't be allowed on TV.)

---------------------------

From: maurice
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2010 11:48 AM
To: chris; Wetz 
Subject: RE:

I'm black, so much like with Obama it's my racial obligation to support anything Mike Vick does now.  And killing dogs is not as bad as raping human women in bathroom stalls.


Kisses!
-Maurice

PS - eff John Clayton's ugly raisin abortion face.
---------------------------

Chris Berman's Mustache Looks Terrible, Requires Mockery

"HE COULD...LOOK...SUPE...ER...GAYY!"

C'mon Berman, I'm normally a fan of 'staches but nothing positive can be said of yours. I understand that a mans gotta do things to spice up his look from time to time, but how about considering a dress shirt with sleeves instead of allowing that creature to nest on your lip. You look gross, dude. You look like the 30-year owner of a leather shop in San Fran's Castro district.

Get that Von Kaiser Mike Tyson's Punch Out shit off yo face. I don't care how many self-deprecating jokes you make, it doesn't excuse you for looking like you do on national television.  Whoop!

Newspapers: Where Amazing Happens

Per USA TODAY, THE SECOND-MOST POPULAR NEWSPAPER IN THE COUNTRY:

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Kevin Kolb elicits the image of Simba, the cub from The Lion King, suddenly thrust to the head of the pride after the unexpected departure of longtime leader Donovan McNabb. And with plenty of hungry hyenas lurking in the NFC East — McNabb, now a hyena in Washington Redskins clothing and still among them — Kolb will have little time to adjust to his new role on the league's hotly contested 100-yard plains, and he knows it.

I can't believe this shit was written by a real, live PAID journalist. What a terrible, terrible analogy.

Pumba better watch the fuck out.

[USA Today]

Percy Harvin's New Training Camp Nickname?

Chris: glaring typo in that espn story btw
Chris: unless of course Percy Harvin's nickname around camp is now Migraine
Maurice: I say we post this before it becomes unfunnied by his death

UPDATE: Story was picked up by Deadspin...they gave credit to "six tipsters".

Aww snap best believe one of those was us.

This is News??

Eagles Training Camp needs to start, pronto. The Philly sports "news" I've been forced to read is so remarkably dull that I'm actually writing a post about how remarkably dull it is. I literally saw a headline today that read "Herremans says foot is fine." Are you shitting me?

So I actually clicked on this article and, sure enough, Todd Herremans says of his foot: "It will be fine." Yay.

The article is a total of 423 words. Another article on Philly.com, this one concerning new anti-poverty iniatives in Camden, is 623 words. For realsies, the difference between these stories needs to be more than 200 words.

Also on Philly.com, I found this story (Alice is a fan of toys) sandwiched in between coverage of Hungarian crash victims and the Philadelphia mayoral election. Go Inquirer!

I just...I just need real philly sports news that's not about Flyers trades or how bad the Phillies look. I swear to God if I have to read another story on Cornelius Ingram's knee I'm going on a tri-state murder spree.

If you feel like me, maybe this'll brighten up your day. A smiley Randy Moss and a walrus after the jump.

courtesy of Kissing Suzy Kolber

The Most Ridiculous Headline of All-Time:

This is a screen-grab of an article I saw on Yahoo this afternoon.  You can see it in its entirety HERE.  You can also see that it's completely retarded. 

I don't know what's worse - the Knicks 'source', or the SportingNews for quoting something from 'zagsblog.com'.

How anyone thought this was legit news is beyond me.  Doesn't common sense kick in at some point?  Shouldn't someone have said "Wait... this 'source' is full of shit.  That didn't happen." 
The best part is when the source continues to try and rationalize the reasoning:

“I don’t care what most people think. I’m not saying that LeBron is not a good player but other stuff comes with it. LeBron’s friends want jobs. You’re gonna lose running your organization. As time goes on you gotta hire this guy, you gotta hire that guy.”

The Source then asked everyone to "move their feet" as he had to "mop the rest of this shit up." Sigh...you poor delusional bastard. 

The Source went on: "I'm not saying the iPhone 4 isn't a fantastic device, but a pink RAZR with rhinestones on it is what we wanted all along."

Alright commenters, your turn.  Come with your best.

Rick Reilly Has A Vuvuzela Shoved Up His Hindquarters

Did you happen to catch Reilly’s article over on ESPN today? He seems to be awful bitchy about the World Cup.

Actually, pretty much just the vuvuzela in particular.

He wrote a completely worthless 1100 words outlining the ‘10 most annoying things about watching the World Cup’. You can read it HERE, but seriously, don't waste your time. It's shit.  And let me just take a second to say that I don't hate on Reilly as much as some people do. I'm kind of indifferent towards him. But he really does throw up some lazy nonsense now and then.

The whole thing is a little too 'smug American' to me. He could've been way more creative, but instead just comes off as another American writer bitching about soccer. To be honest, I'm not even sure why he's hating on the World Cup so hard. You don't need to complain about it or try and find ways to ‘improve’ it. It's not an American sport. If you don’t like, that’s cool. Don't watch. I'm not a soccer guy, and don't find the World Cup being forced down my throat at all.

Anyway, if vuvuzelas are what makes Reilly's brain hemorrhage, then I wish him a long Bzzzzzzzzzz'ing death. Wanna help speed that process up? Then download the official vuvuzela app on the iPhone. It’s the number 3 free app in the country right now.

 

 And if you don’t have an iPhone, you can keep up on all things vuvuzela on twitter at twitter.com/The_Vuvuzela. If only Reilly was half as creative or funny as the guy who created that twitter account.

Chicago Tribune Writers Unoriginal, Kind Of Bitchy

You know what I hate most about Philadelphia sports? Being forced to see newspaper "articles" that begin with:

PHILADELPHIA - The City of Brotherly Love. That's a good one.

Oh good. Another 'Philly fans are assholes' story.

When a team from Philly is fighting for a championship, this gets put under the microscope even more than it normally does. We've talked in the past about how the NY Post took plenty of shots at our city. And now, it appears the wonderful writers over at the Chicago Tribune would like to continue the most unoriginal of traditions.

Writer Dan McNeil attended Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals and decided to express his sentiments in a lovely little article entitled “Philly, the mother of all places foul”. You hear that? We're all MONGRELS. He even goes on to say he’d like to shove an enema into our collective asses. Anyway, you can read the typical bullshit you've read a million times HERE. It just grinds my gears how these journalists feel the need to write the same damn article, citing the same damn incidents time after time. Fans of opposing teams get ragged on at sporting events. It happens – ESPECIALLY in the Northeast. Deal with it.

A couple days before the McNeil article, the Tribune also posted a timeline of Philadelphia's notorious fan moments which was un-cleverly titled "Not So Sunny in Philadelphia". See this literary masterpiece HERE.

It's always the same nonsense. EVERY city has fans that are assholes. Even Chicago (gasp!). Or had you forgotten the fans who threw a beer on Shane Victorino as he caught a fly ball? Or the father and son duo who ran down from the stands at a White Sox game to throw blows at Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa? Or the other White Sox fans who decided it was a good idea try and tackle first base umpire Laz Diaz? Or how about the Steelers fan who said a Bears fan poisoned and blinded him? They were just isolated incidents though, right? At least no Philadelphia team decided to throw a certain World Series for a little extra cash.

If you want to take shots, make them clever. I'll be the first to give you an approving nod when you come up with something entertaining or funny. Just be original! Quit using the same tired examples. I'm sick of hearing about the booing of Santa Claus. The second you start writing an article about that, you've become nothing more than a valueless hack.

This Is Why No One Reads The Sporting News

I love statistics, lists, and rankings as much as the next guy, but holy shitballs - The Sporting News has no idea what they're writing about anymore.

Each year, they comprise a list of Major League Baseball's Top 50 players. These rankings are decided by a brain trust of 125 experts. I'm not sure what type of time vortex or bizarro world these "experts" are stuck in, but my God... this is probably the worst job of judging current talent I have ever seen.


Albert Pujols was chosen as their #1. Kind of hard to screw that one up. From there, the list goes to shit. Quickly.

Why so bad? Well here’s a few that jump right out at me: Jeter at #4 overall is just silly. Ichiro is in the top 10 and he somehow jumped up 22(!?!) spots from last year's list. Ryan Braun should probably be higher than 22. (He doesn't get as much national talk as he really deserves.) Chase Utley should be higher than 9... some would argue he's one of the 3 best in the league.

I'm not even going to try and rationalize how guys like Todd Helton, Derrek Lee, Bobby Abreu, Aaron Hill, Carlos Pena, and John friggin Lackey made the Top 50. What makes it worse are some of the guys they completely failed to mention. It makes my face hurt to see that guys like Ubaldo Jimenez, Joey Votto, and Nelson Cruz get no love.

The whole thing just makes no sense at all. Do these people even watch baseball? Considering they do this list EVERY year, you cannot assume they are taking into account past performances over the last decade or so. If you're doing a list like this every year, it damn well better be an accurate depiction of the CURRENT 50 best players.  You know, instead of a sad excuse for a baseball article where your rankings come off as intelligent as a Joe Morgan thought.

Anyway, you can check out the complete rankings HERE if you feel like getting pissed off.