A few days ago as I was sitting in the school’s parking lot our truck suddenly started shaking and the check engine light came on. I quickly dropped the kids off and headed home to tell my husband what was happening.
It was a short distance, but it felt like forever. The car felt like it was stalling and even though I was pushing on the gas pedal it was driving slower than usual.
It is a funny thing about those vehicles, when they need attention, they need attention. However, it is not an occasional thing. Vehicles need constant maintenance. It turned out that a part had gone bad and it needed to be replaced. Without that specific part, that one component, our truck would stop working altogether.
When we keep up with the simple things like oil changes, tire rotations and even putting gas in the car, we help to prevent much bigger issues later, like blowing a head gasket, a tire, or running out of fuel on the highway!
Marriages require constant maintenance too.
Maintenance: actions performed to keep a machine or system functioning or in service
Communication, working together, doing kind things for each other, being honest and considerate in all circumstances helps keep the marriage working properly.
Different components are needed in a relationship to ensure that it is running “smoothly,” and if we neglect the routine maintenance, those components will suffer because of it.
Respect, love, compassion, commitment, romance, Christ…
Our marriages require these.
My husband and I have not had much time for each other, since both of the girls have been sick. The kids have needed most of our attention and even in the evening when we usually wind down together, we had not been able to. Our little sickies had us sleeping apart the last few nights.
Because of this and few other things going on at home, we have been tired, stressed and little irritable.
Yesterday, while the vehicle was at the dealership getting work done, my husband worked from home. When I got back from the field trip, I drove him to the dealership to pick up the truck. On the way back, as I was following behind him he kept looking in his driver side mirror acting like he was a stranger flirting with me.
He raised his eyebrows, put his hand to his ear, and acted as if he was telling me to call him. I have had him do this to me dozens of times, but it never gets old. He makes me laugh and I love that he flirts with me and takes the time to romance me.
A little romance was definitely needed after the week we have had. Although, a little romance is always needed and appreciated!
After we had gone to bed, I heard a knock on the door, and I laid there for a minute. I had started feeling a little sick a few hours before and did not want to get out of bed. It was the 6th night in a row that our sleep was interrupted because the girls woke up not feeling well, and to be honest, I was completely exhausted.
After a second knock, my husband did not budge. I know he hears it, because the brat groans a little when his sleep is disturbed. So, I got up anyway. I am always the one to get up and tend to the kids in the middle of the night.
After a second knock, my husband did not budge. I know he hears it, because the brat groans a little when his sleep is disturbed. So, I got up anyway. I am always the one to get up and tend to the kids in the middle of the night.
Respect.
It is maintenance. I choose to be respectful of the fact that he has to get up earlier than us and head to work. He has a tough job and he needs sleep and a clear head to do what he does during the day.
It is maintenance. I choose to be respectful of the fact that he has to get up earlier than us and head to work. He has a tough job and he needs sleep and a clear head to do what he does during the day.
There are marriages where the women feel they “make their men carry their weight” by asking him to wake up and care for the kids at night, because they are up with them all day. There are also other families where both the mother and the father work outside of the home and so the parents take turns.
We each do what works for us. However, even when I was working full-time I didn't take that route. I've always considered homemaking as my job and caring for the children as part of that.
When Jocelyn was a baby, I would wake up with her and carry her to the rocker in the living room to soothe her to sleep so that my husband could get enough rest for work.
These days I do the same thing. When the kids wake, I wake with them. He could. I could nudge him and say ‘hey, I haven’t had a full nights rest in a week and I could use it’, and I am sure he would help, but I choose not to. He works out of the home and I work in the home, and I feel this comes with the territory.
After reading a post on The 5 C's of a Successful Marriage, I was reminded that Compassion is one of the components needed in a marriage. It reminded me of something else I have recently started doing for my husband, and I must say, I am very proud of myself, because I really do not enjoy it at all! I have started ironing my husband’s work clothes before I hang them up. I have never done that. I wash, fold, and hang, but I used to only iron before I was about to wear something.
However, my husband really dislikes ironing before he heads out to work. So I have decided to save him some time and iron the pants and shirts that come out of the drier wrinkly for him before I hang them up. I feel good about it too, because I am doing a little something to make the man I love's life a little easier. It is a gift.
I believe that the role that the woman plays in the marriage is so important and that even the smallest, most mundane task, matters.
It may sound a little old fashioned, but I am okay with that!
Our marriage takes priority and we both do our part in this marriage. My husband does so much for our family and so these are a few of the small things that I do for ‘us.’
Marriage is a give and take. It is a “system” that needs routine maintenance to keep it in good shape and I am happy to do my part.
This post will be linked with Marriage Mondays.
