As I sit here at my desk going through many of my old journal entries, poems and letters to God.
I am so amazed. The girl in the mirror has not changed a whole lot, but the girl inside has changed tremendously!
At 17, I wrote, "I know that there is someone out there for everyone, including me. It might take a little longer than I hope for, or a few more heartaches than I want, but I am sure in the end it will be worth it. Maybe it's not right to give up, maybe it's just best if I move on."
I continued to read the things I wrote at 21, 24, 28, and 31…
There was a trend. I was always talking about a struggle, but I ended my journals with a bit of positivity about the future. I always remained hopeful.
My journal entries were about many different things that I was experiencing at those times in my life. I wrote about social issues and things that concerned my relationships with friends and family. I often wrote about my faith or whatever personal battle I was facing. I also wrote about small miracles that affected my life. However, the majority of my paperwork was written about love. Ah! Such a hopeless romantic, I was. Although, if you know me, you know that I still am.
I love, love.
I still find myself lost in thought. Lost in the beauty of what is and the beauty that could be. The beauty of life that is.
I am always thinking about the future and what tomorrow may bring. Like the girl in those journal entries, I remain hopeful. Although these days, the difference that I see when I compare the two is that I am not lacking when it comes to appreciating what I have at this very moment.
In my younger years, I did.
Luckily, I have been able to break free from those habits. From the outlook that kept me searching for happiness and looking for how things could improve. They were holding me back from appreciating all of the wonderful things that I had in my life at that time.
I was so focused on the problems that I was experiencing, instead of looking for all of the things that were good, and I missed some of the beautiful moments.
It took one life changing experience to move me.
It taught me to look inside myself a little more, to be the kind of person that God desires me to be.
Now, my life is good.
Not that things are perfect, nor will every day be hunky dory and full of glory,
but they are good, because happiness is a choice.
As I continued reading I found this entry that I wrote last year, at 33, "There will be many times that we will feel weak and in need of a hero, but whether we have found ourselves an earthly hero or not, we must always remember that we already have a heavenly one! One who has promised us many things."
I realized that “that girl” finally found what she was searching for.
I never had a problem loving myself, but I was always searching for someone that would love “the me” that I loved.
I finally realized that there was already someone out there who loved me, as much as, if not more than I could ever love myself. God loved me and He had already given me so many gifts. Gifts that I was neglecting to see.
Because of His love, I was finally able to stop searching for "happiness".
Because of His love, I was finally able to stop searching for "happiness".
I have many interests and plenty of dreams and goals for myself. I will never stop trying new things, or lose my “hope” that great things can happen.
But He has taught me that while it is okay to be excited about what my future may hold, I must never lose sight of what great things my present contains!
20 years from now when I am looking back at how the girl in the mirror has changed, I hope that my appreciation for the Lord's blessings is something that will remain the same.
16: (3 ways I witnessed happiness)-my kids were on vacation & I enjoyed our time, bible study was beautiful, laying in bed face to face talking to my hubby about our day
17: (1 gift that made me laugh/pray/quiet)-found a craft to do with my girls, something i felt disappointed about turned out okay in the end, a busy day full of fun and loved one's that made me tired
18: (gifts from God)- our girls made honor roll & principals lists again and I am blessed with healthy, smart girls
19: (a grace in the kitchen/weather/that might have never been) the bible on my counter, nice weather permitting me to go on walks, a new friendship
20: (3 gifts you saw close up) my grandmother's smile, my daughter's excitement, truth in "her" actions
21: (1 thing in the sky/memory/ugly) the video my hubby sent me of our proposal, meeting him for the first time, thoughts of what I wish I could have done differently with her, but the growth that resulted from it
22: (1 grace wrinkled/smoothed/unfolded) the lines around "his" eyes that reminds me how hard he works, the cream on my bathroom counter, the clothes my SS forgot in the dryer that I folded for him
