Marriage Mondays: He Calls the Shots

When we know love matters more than anything, and we know that nothing else really matters, we move into the state of surrender. Surrender does not diminish our power, it enhances it.

~Sara Paddison

I never really thought that I was the submissive type.

I was the oldest of six children.

I was a college grad, studious, opinionated and independent.

For a while, I was a single mom figuring things out on my own, doing everything that needed to be done for my daughter and myself.

Then everything changed.

I fell in love and got married.

Before I knew it, I got over the fear of losing myself in a relationship and I realized that by letting go, I actually found a part of myself that I never knew existed.

The Me that enjoys trusting my spouse with my heart, my future, my family, my life.

The Me that realizes that even if life gets a little sideways, temporarily falls off track, or if we end up in an unexpected situation, we will be okay.

After all, all we really need is our faith and each other and we already have that.

I have whole-heartedly surrendered.

I have faith that my husband will lead our family the best way he knows how, and he has faith that I will be there to support him every step of the way.

It does not mean that my opinions or feelings do not matter, because the truth is that we talk about everything beforehand.

When moments do come up that we do not see eye to eye or if he happens to think I get disagreeable, he straight out tells me, “Submit woman!” I laugh thinking about it!  ~ It’s only funny to us, because we both know that I like to be disagreeable on purpose at times, however, in the end he has the final say.

My role as his wife is to let him know that I trust his decisions and to pray for the outcome.

He calls the shots. I call on God.

Ephesians 5:21 -25

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

I Sparkle, He Sizzles!

I think it is safe to say that most women love to feel valued. We love to hear that our spouses find us… amazing, beautiful, attractive (or fill in the blank).  I know that sometimes I get in a rut and just feel blah. Maybe I have some grays that are poking out, maybe my skin has been breaking out, or maybe those extra pounds are bothering me! Yikes! I just have those days, and so I need a little boost to pick me up. Sometimes just a new lipstick color, taking the time to give myself a pedicure or going to get my hair done does the trick. I feel refreshed afterwards. I come home feeling all sparkly and new. Then when my hubby notices and compliments me, I feel even better. It feels good to be appreciated!

I know that my hubby needs to hear compliments too, but to be honest, sometimes I forget. He has started working out again. I'll admit that I enjoy teasing him, because I will catch him looking at his biceps or touching them. Even though I tease him, I am so proud of him. Not because of his muscle tone, I could care less about that. What I love, is to see him feeling good about himself. I especially love to see him smile when I notice his efforts!   

There are so many times when I look at my husband without him knowing, like after he gets a new haircut, or when we are driving in the car and he is all dressed up for a night out and I think how handsome he looks, but I forget to say it. So starting today, I am going to make a conscious effort to tell him. I am going to admire his new shirt aloud in front of others. I am going to tell him I love his smile/shoulders/smell when I think it. The next time he steps into my office and I glance up from my desk and I silently think, “I can’t believe he’s mine, all mine,” I am going to tell him just that! 

Yes Baby, Tsss... You Sizzle

Routine Affection

Each morning before my husband leaves to work, he kisses me on the cheek. Even though it is the sweetest thing ever, this has been something that I have had to get used to. I am not a morning person and he would gladly vouch for that! I have trouble falling asleep and my best sleep, my deepest sleep, usually happens in the early morning hours between 2-6 am. When he kisses me, I usually have another hour or so that I can sleep before I have to get up with the kids, but most often than not, that kiss usually wakes me up. I cannot fall back asleep, so I lay in bed alone, (because he has already rushed out the door for the day,) thinking about sending him a grumpy text how nice one more hour of sleep would have been.

He does know it wakes me up, so he kisses me gently, but I still wake up. He of course, would stop it all together if I wanted, but I really don't! All of the kisses, the hugs, and the routine affection help to keep us passionate. It is something that I do not want us to take for granted. We kiss and hug each other hello and good-bye. We say, "I love you" almost every time we end a phone conversation and we text each other sexy "I love you" and "I'm thinking about you texts" several times a day. 

It is so easy to let important habits die.  When we first meet someone and begin dating, that person is constantly on our mind. We call each other often, send frequent emails, texts, and work hard to find time to spend together. When my husband and I first started dating, we would willingly sacrifice sleep. We never wanted our dates to end. We would stay together until we could barely keep our eyes open. That left us few hours for sleep, lots of driving back and forth between each other’s homes, but we did it nearly every day that we did not have our kids possible. Sleep was not as important as our time together and the crazy thing is that we did not even suffer the next day! We did not need sleep, we were living on love.

Things change. We get married. We have kids. Life happens. We get comfortable in our relationships and that person that once intrigued us so much becomes a part of our life. We learn each other’s interests, routines, habits, thoughts, and moods. He keeps better track of my monthly cycle than I do. We become familiar. It is not that we do not feel as passionate about each other as we once did or that we appreciate them any less, we just do not make the time to show it as often. We get caught up in the day-to-day stuff. So my husband and I make a conscious effort to schedule sex keep up the little habits of affection and to appreciate the little moments of opportunity.  

For instance, I am not a girl who likes to sit in front of the television and flip through channels, but my husband does this to relax. So sometimes, I will go and cuddle with him on the couch, and watch the boring science and history channels with him, because I know he likes it. He needs it. I need it. We make it a point to not only give each other affection, but to receive the affection lovingly. That early morning kiss may cut into my sleep some days, but it sure is a nice way to wake up.

"Thou shalt never have to wash laundry again."

I remember years ago, when my dad was telling family members about an incident that happened once when he tried to help my mom do laundry. By mistake, he used cat litter instead of laundry detergent! The point of that story was to share laughs and it worked. Everyone laughed including me, except I’m embarrassed to say that I added my own unnecessary sarcasm. I stated that it would have never happened if he helped mom around the house more often. Ouch! I know, I should have been slapped. My grandpa did give me a surprised look and for a moment I thought, did I cross a line? However, my conclusion was that he just did not know that my dad and I could tease each other like that.

Nearly a decade later, I remember that comment and I feel bad about it! I am now married to a man that is similar to my dad in so many ways. One of the similarities is that he is such a hard working man. Sometimes, I tell him how nice it is to have a husband to do all of the “manly” chores. I could learn to fire up the grill, or fix a running toilet, but I probably never will. The fact is that my husband does such a great job and it feels nice to let him take care of me. He does things for me that I do not really like or care to do and I do the same for him. For instance, the housework is my job. He works so hard outside of our home that I rarely ask him to lift a finger inside. Sure, he can take care of the plumbing or hang up frames, but when it comes to cleaning and laundry he would rather not. That is okay with me. I enjoy doing it – for him! I respect and love my husband so much that I’d rather him never have to lift the laundry detergent again and my guess is that my mom felt the same way.

This post is linked to Marriage Mondays

"I Can't Imagine My Life without You"

Close your eyes and think about your life and your day-to-day routines. Think of all the things your spouse helps you with and does for your family and in your household. Think of all the times you have had a horrible day and your spouse was there to comfort you and cheer you up.


A few weeks ago when I was sick, my husband, was actually excited to take care of me. He left work early, ran to the store to buy some vegetables and made me homemade soup. Even if it had not tasted amazing, I would have still been so grateful that he wanted to make me feel better.


Can you imagine how different it would be if your husband wasn't in your life? I can’t either! In fact, my eyes tear up just at the thought, so I tell him! I tell him that he means so much to me and not only is he in my world, but he is my world.


Happy Sunday friends. Have a wonderful day!

Make a Conscious effort to Appreciate Him

Oh yes, ladies! We have all been there. At one point in time when our husband offers to help us with something, but the minute he does, we want him to do it differently. Maybe he did not strain the grease from the meat before adding the pasta sauce, or maybe he is not folding the towels exactly the way you want him to, but don't complain. I repeat do not complain. This is a tough one. We women tend to have a method  to our madness. We do things a certain way and we begin to think that our way is the best way. The truth is that our way is not better, it is just different.

I've seen many women criticize their men when they are trying to help, instead of just appreciating the fact that he is helping. Watching others has made me aware of this issue. Each day, I make a conscious effort to appreciate my husband for his efforts. We all should. Instead of focusing on how your man is doing it, focus on why he is doing it. Our men pitch in and help, because they love us!

So tomorrow when your husband sits down next to you on the sofa all stinky and dirty after a hard day of work, you could nag at him to go take a shower, or you could grin and bear it. At least, he is not the man that showers the minute he gets home to wash off the smell of his mistress. He might be a stinky dirty man, but he is your stinky dirty man! Aren’t you lucky?