last night
in her eyes
i saw uncertainty
and a hint of sadness
a girl who was trying to be strong
she said they were done
no more drama
it was time to focus on her
and be independent
i hope she is right
i know that type of relationship
and the damage it can do
i say nothing
because I’ve said it all before
and she
like me
like most women
need our own experiences
to learn from
and
to grow from
but for a moment
she made me remember
all about
that kind of love
the love that left me wondering
do I even matter
but I learned
after years of heartache
how unhealthy it was
those feelings
and questions
and days
have gone
no longer
do I question the love
or the passion
or the role that I play
in my relationship
however
because of previous relationships
I have learned
that my relationships
do not define me
and they most certainly cannot
confine me
i was fine before
and i would most certainly
be fine after
but the marriage
that I have now does define
who I want to be
not (only) because I made a vow
not (only) because I said until death do us part
not (only) because I love him
this relationship is where I want to be
because
i laugh with my best friend
and I can be myself
and I feel confident in my decisions
because I know
that he loves me
just as much
(if not more)
than i love myself
tonight
my husband
was passionate
like he often is
he was passionate
about the dinner I made
as he ate it
he hummed
to show me how much
he appreciated
my time and effort
then
he acted like a crazy person
passionate
about his football team
he was running
back and forth
through the house
cheering
each time they scored a touch down
and yelling
each time the other team did
in between plays
he stopped into my office
to give me
the occasional
kiss
once he paused and asked me
"do you know how much I love you"
i answered
without even blinking
or thinking
or second guessing myself
"yes”
“yes, I do."
I'm going to leave you with a quote today, that comes from one of my favorite movies, Meet Joe Black. A love story and tear jerker ;)
“Love is passion, obsession,
someone you can't live without.
If you don't start with that,
what are you going to end up with?
Fall head over heels. I say
find someone you can love like crazy
and who'll love you the same way back.
And how do you find him?
Forget your head
and listen to your heart.
I'm not hearing any heart.
Run the risk,
if you get hurt,
you'll come back.
Because, the truth is
there is no sense
living your life without this.
To make the journey
and not fall deeply in love
well, you haven't lived a life at all.”
